George: Jerry, Jerry! Jerry, Jerry, the most unbelievable thing has happened. It is so unbelievable! I'm sitting in the coffee shop, I'm talking to Susan, we're talking about shoelaces... [mimes blowing his brains out] right? So in walks David, right? He walks right up to the table, right? I introduce him to Susan, and he says... Now, get this. He says, "Boy, you could do a lot better than this guy." He said the exact same thing that I said to him just to get back at me. Just to get back at me. And then she says she wants to be alone for a while. Alone, Jerry. I think that she thinks that she could do better. Do you appreciate this? You see the irony of this? You see what's going on here? What's the matter?
Jerry: I'm nauseous.
George: That what's hurting your appreciation?
Jerry: A little.
George: Because it's really a pretty good little story, don't you think?
Jerry: It's not bad.
George: Yeah.

Susan Ross: Can I talk to you for a minute?
George: Yeah, sure, sure.
Susan Ross: I've been doing a lot of thinking about the wedding and all... and I've decided to go with the chicken.

Jerry: Hairdo?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: You look like Brenda Starr.
Elaine: Is that good?
Jerry: Better than Dondi.

George: This car out there is taking up like three parking spaces.
Elaine: [chuckles] That's mine.
George: You have a car?
Elaine: Well, my friend Elise lent it to me for the week. She's out of town. She lent it to me for a week.

David: George, you're the one who works for the Yankees, right?
George: Yeah. Why, what do you do?
David: Well, I sell insurance, but Beth used to be Don Mattingly's doctor.
George: Really? A physician married to a salesman. I gotta tell you, Beth, you could have done a lot better than him. [laughs; David and Beth are silent]

Elaine: God, it is so great to drive again. I miss it so much. [shouts] How about a left turn signal, you moron! Whoa!
Jerry: [inner monologue] I'm so nauseous. She's the worst driver. You know what, on my first road test, I hit a dog. I think it was a golden retriever. No, no, no, it was a yellow lab. I gotta check my messages. [dials phone]
Man: [crossing road] Hey!
Jerry: [inner monologue] I'm so carsick I'm gonna vomit.
Elaine: Oh, my God, Jerry. My friend Kim called. David and Beth got separated last night. They're getting divorced! [suddenly brakes]

Jerry: Remember Beth and David from yesterday? They got separated.
George: Really? Well, you don't think it had anything to do with what I said, do you?
Jerry: What did you say?
George: You know, that thing about her being too good for him. I mean, I was just being folksy. They could tell I was being folksy?
Elaine: Yeah, I thought you were being folksy.
George: Totally folksy.

Kramer: Jerry, you gotta help me.
Jerry: What's wrong?
Kramer: I can't get my pants off, and Mickey's audition is in 20 minutes. I'm supposed to be a businessman. I gotta be in costume.
Jerry: All right. Undo them, I'll help you get them off.
Kramer: I already did, and it won't come off.
Jerry: You just gotta wiggle your hips.
Kramer: Pull down.
Jerry: All right. All right. That's no good. Let me try getting them from the bottom. Just give me....
Kramer: Wait. Jerry, wait a minute.
Jerry: Man, these are tight. Squinch your hips in.
Kramer: I am squinching my hips.
Jerry: Keep squinching them. All right, that's not gonna work. That's not gonna work. Let me just think for a second here.
Kramer: You better get me. Get me up, get me up.
Jerry: Hold it, hold it, hold it. Look, you're gonna need the Jaws of Life to get out of those things.
Kramer: Look, I don't have time. I'm gonna be late.

Beth: It was nice to get your call.
Jerry: Well, I just want you to know I'm there for you. Of course, now I'm here for you... but when I'm not here for you, I'm there for you.
Beth: Well, wherever you are, I appreciate it.

Jerry: So how did this all happen?
Beth: Well, actually, it had a lot to do with George's comment.
Jerry: Is that right?
Beth: I thought maybe I could do better.
Jerry: Maybe, maybe.
Beth: Well, it wasn't just that. I realized after three years of marriage that David's little quirks were getting on my nerves a little.
Jerry: Three years is a long time to be married.