Jerry: Hey, see those two women over there? I almost dated the one on the right. She's in the closet business.
George: The closet business? What's the closet business?
Jerry: What is it your business?
George: I'm interested.
Jerry: She reorganizes your closet and shows you how to maximize your closet space. She looked into my closet.
George: So you thought she was good looking and figured this would be a good way to meet her?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: Yeah. So what happened?
Jerry: So, she mentioned she had a boyfriend and then it hit me. What do I need more closet space for?

Marla: So, how was your trip to Berlin?
Jerry: Trip to Berlin?
Marla: Remember? That's why you put off doing the closets. You said you were going to Berlin for a while.
Jerry: Oh, right, right.
Marla: The wall had just come down, and you told me you wanted to be part of the celebration.
Jerry: Yes. Yes, I did. But, you know, I was watching it on CNN, and they covered it so well I thought, "Why knock my brains out?"
Marla: You, know my boyfriend went.
Jerry: Really?
Marla: Yes, I told him all about you going and he got all excited and decided to go.
Jerry: Oh, did he like it?
Marla: I don't know. He never came back.

George: Anyway, we met with NBC about a month ago and they gave us the green light to go ahead and write a pilot. In fact, we got a big meeting with them tomorrow. They got to approve of the story before we can write.
Stacy: Wow, what a great job. A writer.
George: Not a bad way to make a buck.
Stacy: Sounds great.
George: Well, I'll tell you, Stacy. It's a lot of hard work. But, it comes fairly easy to me. Some people write symphonies. This is my gift. [raises ski lift ticket on jacket]

George: Well it's not fair, Jerry. It's just not fair. All right, all right. That's it. I'm getting out of this thing.
Jerry: Fine. Break up with her. But you know what this means?
George: No, what?
Jerry: The script, the pilot, the TV show. That's all over.
George: Why? What do you mean?
Jerry: Figure it out. She's one of the executives at NBC that's gonna make the decision whether or not they pick up the show. She's one of our biggest fans. You drop her off, you think they're gonna pick us up?
George: Oh, right. Oh no, man.
Jerry: You know, it's a very interesting situation. Here you have a job that can get you girls. But, you also have a relationship. But if you try and get rid of the relationship so you can get the girls, you lose the job. You see the irony?
George: Yeah, yeah. I see the irony.

George: All right. What about this? What if I can find some way to break up with her so that she'll still like me and it doesn't affect the deal.
Jerry: Oh, yeah.
George: Wait, wait. Here me out. Don't dismiss this. You're very quick to dismiss. Don't dismiss. She's got a big crush on David Letterman. I mean, a big crush. She talks about him all the time. Suppose I go up to David Letterman. He works at NBC; I work at NBC. I explain my situation. He agrees to meet her. They go out, they fall madly in love. And she dumps me for David Letterman.
Jerry: This is your plan?
George: No, no. I'm just thinking.
Jerry: I don't think you are.

Jerry: Why don't you go out? It's nice out.
Kramer: Oh, no. There's nothing out there for me.
Jerry: There's weather.
Kramer: Weather? I don't need weather. Weather doesn't do it for me.

Jerry: All right, let's go. We don't have much time before the meeting.
George: Where's the food? What happened to Ping?
Jerry: Don't worry, he'll be here. Look, we only got about two hours. We just need to come up with one good story idea we can get through this meeting. [buzzer] There's your food.
George: Hey, what about this? I'm in a car accident. The motorist is uninsured, you with me?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: My car's totaled. It's all his fault and now, he has absolutely no money. There is no way that he can pay me. So the judge decrees that he becomes my butler.
Jerry: Your butler?
George: Right. He cooks my food, he cleans my house, he does all my shopping for me. And there you go, that's your program.
Jerry: What about me?
George: Don't worry, we'll find something for you.
Jerry: That's the stupidest idea I ever heard. Sentenced to be a butler.

Jerry: A month and a half we had. We did nothing. I can't believe we put it off until today. And then we couldn't do anything because Elaine runs out to apologize to a virgin, crosses against a light, and knocks over a Chinese delivery boy. Now we're gonna make fools of ourselves, we got nothing. You're not even in show business. I got a reputation. You're dragging me into the sewer with you. I've been on TV, buddy boy. You know how fast word spreads in show business? It's like that, like that! One bad impression, you're outta the business!

George: All right, let's postpone it. Let's get out of here.
Jerry: What do you mean? They know we're here.
George: I'll fake an illness. "My back! My back! I can't believe- My back!"
Jerry: No, no, would you get up?
George: I can do this, Jerry.
Jerry: No.
George: All right, I'll tell them my sister died. "[sobs] My poor sister died. She was standing and then she was laughing and then they shot her! That's the kind of sick city that we're living in. They shoot you for laughing. I must go and comfort my poor family. Jerry, take me home so I can comfort my... my poor family."
Jerry: What?
George: That's David Letterman. I just saw David Letterman walk by. I'll be right back.

Rita: Well, I think we should get started anyway.
Jerry: Yeah, good idea.
Rita: So how are you guys comin' along?
Jerry: Good, good, we've got a lot of ideas.
Rita: Good. [pause]
Jerry: Have you ever been to a Chinese restaurant and they tell you it'll be, like, five minutes for a table and you wind up waiting there for, like, thirty minutes? Well, we thought it would be very funny to do an entire show where all you're doing is waiting for the table. [no response] Because we've all been in that situation. You know, you're waiting... And you're hungry... And you bump into somebody you know... [nervous chuckle] When is Russell coming back?
Rita: So that's the idea?
Jerry: Well, no. That's one. We have many others. We have an idea where, uh, I get into an accident with a guy who has no insurance and the judge sentences him to be my butler. [everyone laughs] You know he cooks for me, he has to cook for me... And cleans my house. He's doing my shopping, you know? I'm walking around with one of those big neck collars.
Jay: Those collars are funny!
Stu: Once you see someone in those collars, you start laughing immediately.