Elaine: You know, I hate to tell you this, but it is time to defrost your freezer.
Jerry: I know. I just can't bring myself to do it. Meanwhile that freezer keeps getting smaller and smaller.

Elaine: Hey, you got a problem with Tony?
Jerry: Hunky Tony. "Hey."
Elaine: Okay. Jerry, I would be going out with him no matter what he looked like.
Jerry: Of course you would.
Elaine: Oh, yeah. Like you're one to talk.
Jerry: Elaine...
Elaine: What?
Jerry: It's different for a man. We're expected to be superficial.
Elaine: I'm not being superficial.
Jerry: Elaine, he's a male bimbo. He's a "mimbo."
Elaine: He's not a mimbo. He is an exciting, charismatic man... who just happens to have a perfect face.

Tony: So I said: "Hey, dude, you better step off."
George: Step off?
Tony: Yeah.
George: You said, "Step off"? God, that is too much! [turns baseball cap around] Hey, hey, Tony... I just had this brainstorm for us. Can you guess what it is?
Tony: No.
George: Bowling. What do you say? Bowling, huh? Bowling's insane! Bowling is crazy time!
Tony: Bowling? I don't think so, George. You get no rush from bowling.
George: Rush? You want a rush? Drop a ball on your toe, my friend! Talk about a rush, you'll be throbbing! You'll see visions!
Tony: No, no, no. I'm thinking... rock climbing.

Jerry: What- What is it with you and Tony? What, are you his sidekick now?
George: Yeah. That's right. I like it. He's such a cool guy.
Jerry: "A cool guy"?
Jerry: What, are you in eighth grade?
George: He's the first cool guy I've ever been friends with in my life. You know, it's a different world when you're with a cool guy. He's not afraid of anybody. You should hear the way he talks to waitresses. He gets free pie!

Jerry: I've got oil all over me. Can I have your napkin?
Jane: What?
Jerry: Your napkin. I'm dripping.
Jane: Well, where's your napkin?
Jerry: I used it up.
Jane: Well, I need mine.

Elaine: What is with the gum?
Jerry: It's a big problem. She puts like four pieces in her mouth. It's ridiculous. I don't think we're going to be able to get together Saturday.
Elaine: Because of the gum?
Jerry: Well, it's too much. It's embarrassing.
Elaine: Why does she chew so many?
Jerry: She's one of these people that always has to be different.

Elaine: Where's Tony?
George: Well... Kramer was supposed to tie a knot...
Kramer: Whoa, whoa. Ginga. You were supposed to tie the knot.
Elaine: What, did something happen?
George: Well... Tony took a bit of a tumble.
Elaine: His face? Did something happen to his face?
Kramer: Well, it all depends on what you mean by "happen."
George: He's alive.
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: What happened to his face? Tell me, what happened?

Elaine: So, what did the doctor say?
Tony: They said... They said I'm coming along.
Elaine: Yeah. But what else did they say?
Tony: Well, let's see. They said: "Tony, try to keep it clean."
Elaine: Right. Yeah. No, I mean, um. did they get into stuff like... long, jagged scars... or gross deformities, major skin grafts, stuff like that?
Tony: I really don't remember. I was kind of out of it, the first couple of days. I was on a lot of medication. It was kind of like a haze. It was pretty cool.
Elaine: But, you know, in this medicated haze.. in this sort of woozy state... do you recall the words... "radical reconstructive surgery" being uttered?
Tony: I don't know. I don't know.
Elaine: Think, Tony. Think.
Tony: I'm drawing a blank, babe.

Jerry: Jane, this is my neighbor, Kramer.
Kramer: Oh, hey.
Jane: Hello, Kramer.
Kramer: [shudders] Well, hello, Jane.
Jane: Jerry's told me so much about you, I feel like I know you intimately.
Kramer: Oh, I don't think so. No, we never met. I never talked to you on the phone. Right, I'll see you later, buddy.
Jerry: Wait. Where you going?
Kramer: Uptown. To the Y.
Jane: Oh, I'm going uptown, too. You wanna split a cab?
Kramer: What about the driver?
Jane: What are you talking about?
Kramer: All right, I changed my mind. Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna go now.
Jane: All right, I'll see you later. Nice meeting you.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The whale's supposed to be such an intelligent animal. You know, you always hear about how they can communicate by song from miles away, how extensive their vocabulary is. I would say, from the rate we're pushing the whales off the beach back into the ocean, the words "shore" and "close" do not appear to be in their vocabulary. I would say to the whales, "Concentrate less on the singing, a little more on the approaching Cuervo beach volleyball tournament. If you want to maintain that brainy-mammal image."