Elaine: Excuse me. I'm sorry. This is, uh... This is kind of embarrassing... but there's no toilet paper over here.
Jane: Are you talking to me?
Elaine: Yeah. I just forgot to check, so if you could spare some...
Jane: No, I'm sorry.
Elaine: What?
Jane: No, I'm sorry. I can't spare it.
Elaine: You can't spare it?
Jane: No. There's not enough to spare.
Elaine: Well, I don't need much. Just three squares will do it.
Jane: I'm sorry, I don't have three squares. Now, if you don't mind...
Elaine: Three squares? You can't spare three squares?
Jane: No, I don't have a square to spare. I can't spare a square!
Elaine: Well, is it two-ply? Because if it's two-ply, I'll take one ply. One ply. One puny little ply. I'll take one measly ply!
Jane: Look, I don't have a square and I don't have a ply! [toilet flushes]
Elaine: No, no, don't go! I beg you!

Jerry: Oh, you think she's Erica, the phone-sex woman?
Kramer: Jerry, that voice is tattooed on my brain, it's her. I'm telling you, it's her!
Jerry: Oh, you're crazy.
Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible!
Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be!
Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?

Elaine: He's supposed to get the bandages off on Sunday. What if...?
Jerry: What?
Elaine: You know...
Jerry: Oh, you're afraid he might look like Zippy the Pinhead.
Elaine: Yeah. I mean, what is my obligation here? You know, we were just dating. It was probably gonna be over in a couple of weeks anyway.
Jerry: Oh, I thought you didn't care about his looks.
Elaine: I lied.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
Elaine: Are you kidding? He's a mimbo. I know that. But he's my mimbo. You know, and even if he is a hideous freak... Maybe I can learn to love him. And maybe in some final irony... I'll learn what love really is. You know, Jerry?
Jerry: I'm sorry. I didn't get most of that.

Jerry: Hello, Erica.
Jane: Erica? What are you talking about?
Jerry: How could you say things like that over the phone?
Jane: What things? What are you talking about?
Jerry: Selling sexual pleasure on the phone?
Jane: I sell paper goods, you jerk.
Jerry: Paper goods?
Elaine: Excuse me. Do you have a tissue?
Jane: No, I'm sorry. I can't spare it. There's just not enough to spare.

Jane: Oh, damn.
Elaine: Something wrong?
Jane: Yeah, there's no toilet paper in here. I usually check. Would you mind?
Elaine: I can't. I don't have it. I don't have a square to spare. I can't spare a square.
Jane: Hey, wait a minute. I know you!
Elaine: That's right, honey. And I know you!
[Elaine runs out of the cubicle with rolls of toilet paper]
Jane: No. Wait! No!
[to Jerry in the dining area]
Elaine: Here. Take it.
Jerry: Thanks.
Jane: [to Jerry] Don't call me anymore. [to Kramer in a sultry voice] You either.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Now, of course, the thing is extreme sports. Bungee jumping. To me, if the bungee jumping is a sport, so is being a crash-test dummy. Just leaning does not make it a sport. It's like a Wile E. Coyote idea, isn't it? The thing I wonder about the skydiving, is why do they even bother with the helmets? Can you almost make it? You might as well wear a party hat. What's the difference? I mean, you jump out of a plane 20,000 feet in the air, the chute doesn't open, I got news for you: The helmet is now wearing you for protection. Later on, the helmet is talking to the other helmets: "Boy, it's a good thing he was there, or I would have hit the ground directly."

Jane: I mean, a person needs a certain amount of toilet paper to be covered. I simply could not spare it. This woman just didn't get it. She kept harassing me.
[meanwhile:]
Elaine: Three squares! That's all I was asking for. Three squares!
[back:]
Jane: She wouldn't stop. "Help me! Help me!" She was insane.
[meanwhile:]
Elaine: I was begging her. "Please, please!" She was insane.

Elaine: Rock climbing? Where do you come off going rock climbing? Rock climbing? You need a boost to climb into your bed.
George: All right. All right.

George: All right! Rock climbing! Just the two of us? All right. All right. Hey, I'll make some sandwiches. What do you like? Tuna, peanut butter?
Tony: Whatever.
George: All right. I gotta buy some bread.
Tony: You know, I am definitely down for some rock climbing.
George: Yeah, me too. I am down. I am totally down. Mark me down. Cool.
Tony: So, what do you say we climb a rock manana?
George: Manana. Manana might be a problem. I'm supposed to... have a boil lanced manana. You know, I think they charge me if I cancel with only one manana's notice.

Elaine: Listen to this. I am in the bathroom, right, before the movie starts, and I'm in the stall, and there's no toilet paper.
Jerry: No what?
Elaine: Toilet paper.
Jerry: Oh. Whoa.
Elaine: So, I ask this woman in the stall next to me for some... and she refuses!
Jerry: Well, maybe she couldn't spare it.
Elaine: A square?
Jerry: Well, you know, sometimes a square is everything.
Elaine: A ply?
Jerry: Elaine, you cannot judge a person in a situation like that. It's like asking for someone's canteen in the desert. It's battle conditions.
Elaine: Yeah, well, I just hope I run into her again, okay? Because I will never forget that flinty voice. It is tattooed in my brain. If I hear it, watch out.