‘The Sponge’
Season 7, Episode 9 - Aired December 7, 1995
Elaine runs across town looking for her favored form of birth control after it's discontinued. Now that they're engaged, George starts sharing secrets with Susan. Meanwhile, Jerry finds a woman's phone number on a charity sign-up sheet, and Kramer joins an AIDS walk.
Quote from George
Susan Ross: You know, I really like those new jeans Jerry was wearing. He's really thin.
George: Not as thin as you think.
Susan Ross: Why? He's a 31. I saw the tag on the back.
George: The tag, huh?
Susan Ross: Mmm-hmm.
George: Let me tell you something about that tag. It's no 31, and uh, let's just leave it at that.
Susan Ross: What are you talking about?
George: He scratches off a 32 and he puts in 31.
Susan Ross: Oh, how could he be so vain?
George: Well, this is the Jerry Seinfeld that only I know.
Quote from George
George: Well, Jerry doesn't want anyone to know.
Susan Ross: Well, it's all right, I'm your fiance. Everyone assumes you'll tell me everything.
George: Where did you get that from?
Susan Ross: Well, we're a couple. It's understood.
George: I never heard of that.
Susan Ross: Well, you've never been a couple.
George: I've coupled! I've coupled!
Susan Ross: Keeping secrets. This is just like your secret bank code.
George: This is totally different. That was my secret. This is Jerry's secret! There's... There's attorney-client privileges here! If I play it by your rule, no one'll ever confide in me again, I'll be cut out of the loop!
Quote from George
George: Elaine, let me just explain something to you. See, this is not just a weekend routine. I'm on the verge of make-up sex here. You know about make-up sex?
Elaine: Oh yeah, I know all about make-up sex, and I'm really sorry. [pushes George into the hallway. He blocks the door with his foot]
George: Elaine, can I just explain something to you very privately here? Susan and I have been together many, many times now, and just between you and me, there's really no big surprises here, so make-up sex is all that I have left.
Elaine: I'm sure you'll have another fight, George. [stamps on George's foot and closes the door]
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Why'd you tell her?!
George: Because, Jerry, it's a couple rule! We have to tell each other everything!
Jerry: Well you know what this means, don't you?
George: What?
Jerry: You're cut off. You're out of the loop!
George: You're cutting me off? No, no, no Jerry, don't cut me off!
Jerry: You leave me no choice! You're the media now as far as I'm concerned!
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: No, she said it was fine. There's something very strange about this girl.
George: What?
Jerry: She's too good.
George: Too good?
Jerry: I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that!
George: I see what you mean.
Jerry: I mean, I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.
George: Where's the depravity?
Jerry: No depravity! I mean, I look at her, I can't imagine she even has sex. [Elaine enters] On the other hand...
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: It completely turned her off.
George: Well, I can see that. What do you have to do that for? Who cares about your pants size?
Jerry: I don't wanna be a 32.
George: I'd kill to be a 32.
Jerry: She said I wasn't spongeworthy. Wouldn't waste a Sponge on me!
George: I wish I had one. That condom killed me. Why do they have to make the wrappers on those things so hard to open?
Jerry: It's probably so the woman has one last chance to change her mind.
George: You never run out, do you?
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: Hey, boys and girls. I need you both to sponsor me in the AIDS walk.
Elaine: Is that tomorrow?
Kramer: Yeah, yeah. So get... Get... [hands over form]
Elaine: Well, I admire you for joining the fight against AIDS.
Kramer: Well, if I didn't do something I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Jerry: It's hard enough living next door.
Kramer: I tell you, there's some people, they just wear a ribbon and they think they're doing something? Not me. I talk the talk, and I walk the walk, baby.
Quote from Jerry
Elaine: New jeans?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: Huh. Still a 31 waist?
Jerry: Yep. Since college.
Quote from Jerry
Elaine: She's gonna ask how you got her number.
Jerry: Oh, I'll tell her I met some guy who knew her and he gave it to me.
Elaine: What's he look like?
Jerry: I really didn't pay much attention, I'd just come from buying a speedboat.
Elaine: You're buying a speedboat?
Jerry: See, we're already off the subject of how I got her number.
Quote from Elaine
Jerry: So if Billy had gotten your number off the AIDS walk list, you wouldn't have gone out with him?
Elaine: Well...
Jerry: Yeah. So you really like this guy.
Elaine: Very much.
Jerry: How's the... sexual chemistry?
Elaine: Haven't been in the lab yet. But I am birth control shopping today.