Elaine: I can't believe you ski!
Carl: I'm a great skier.
Elaine: Yeah? What else?
Carl: Let's see. I ski, I fish, I pillage, I plunder...
Elaine: [delightedly] Oh! You "pillage and plunder"?
Carl: When I travel.
Elaine: See? Finally, finally I get to meet a man who pillages and plunders! I'm so lucky.
[As they kiss, Carl gets a sniff of something less-than-appealing on Elaine]

George: [inner monologue] Hey, what do you know? Look at that! A lesbian sighting. Oh-ho! My lucky day. They're so fascinating. Why is that? Because they don't want us. You gotta respect that. Oh, my God! It's Susan! What do I do?
Susan Ross: George?
George: [inner monologue] Argh! [out loud] Susan! Hi! Oh, boy! What are you doing here?!
Susan Ross: Renting a video! What do you got there?
George: Oh, some stupid movie.
Susan Ross: This is Mona.
George: Oh, hi... [haltingly extends an his hand for a handshake]
Mona: Pleasure to meet you.
George: Yes. Well...

Susan Ross: You okay?
George: Yeah. Yes! I just haven't seen you in a long time.
Susan Ross: And you didn't expect me to be holding hands with a woman.
George: Oh, please! Me? Come on! That's great! Are you kidding? I think that's fantastic! I've always encouraged experimentation! I'm the first guy in the pool! Who do you think you're talking to?
Susan Ross: I know who I'm talking to.
George: Of course you do... It's just, uh, y'know, I-I never knew, uh, that, uh...
Susan Ross: I liked women?
George: There you go. So, uh, how long has this been going on?
Susan Ross: Since you and I broke up.
George: So after me, you... went that way?
Susan: Yeah.
George: Oh, I think that's fantastic. Good for you. Nice. That's very nice.

Susan Ross: So, what have you got there?
George: Oh, I, uh--
Susan Ross: Oh, "Rochelle Rochelle".
George: It's a foreign movie. A film, is what it is, actually.
Susan Ross: Yeah. A lot of nudity in that, huh?
George: No, no, no. Just a tiny bit. It's not even frontal nudity. It's... side-al nudity.

Elaine: Listen, let me ask you something. When you're with a guy, and he tells you he has to get up early, what does that mean?
Jerry: It means he's lying.
Elaine: Wow.
Jerry: Why? Is that what he told you?
Elaine: Yeah, last night. Oh, come on. Men have to get up early some times.
Jerry: No. Never.
Elaine: Jerry! I'm sure I've seen men on the street early in the morning.
Jerry: Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.
Elaine: Is it possible I'm not as attractive as I think I am?
Jerry: Anything's possible.

Jerry: What's the matter with you?
Kramer: Steinbrenner! He's ruining my life.
Jerry: Oh yeah, Steinbrenner.
Kramer: I don't think I can take another season with him, Jerry. He'll just trade away their best young prospects, just like he did with Buhner, McGee, Drabeck... McGriff...
Jerry: I know the list.

Kramer: What's that smell?
Jerry: What smell?
Kramer: Ooh. You stink.
Jerry: What do you mean I stink?
Kramer: You stink. Why don't you go take a shower?
Jerry: I showered! Oh, wait a second. Since I showered, I've been in the car!
Elaine: So?
Jerry: Don't you see what's happening here? It's attached itself to me! It's alive!
Elaine: If it attached itself to you... [gasps] Oh, my God! That's why Carl said he had to get up early! Because I stink! Jerry, he thinks I have B.O.! Me!

George: What is that? B.O.?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: This is unbelievable B.O.
Jerry: I know. I was at the car wash this morning and the guy told me in his 38 years in the business, he's never smelled anything like it.

George: So, let me ask you. Do you think I could have done this?
Jerry: No, no. It's the valet guy.
George: No, no, I mean, driving Susan to lesbianism.
Jerry: Oh. No, that's ridiculous.
George: What if her experience with me drove her to it?
Jerry: Suicide, maybe, not lesbianism.

George: The woman she's "lesbianing" with? Susan told me she's never been with a guy. Oh, this isn't even B.O.! This is beyond B.O.! It's B.B.O.!
Jerry: There should be a B.O. squad that patrols the city like a Smell Gestapo. To sniff 'em out, strip 'em down, and wash 'em with a big, soapy brush.
George: You know, the funny thing is, somehow I find her more appealing now. It's like if I knew she was a lesbian when we went out, I never would've broken up with her.
Jerry: Let me see if I understand this. On second thoughts... [doesn't bother]