George: So a woman calls, says she has to come to New York on business...
Jerry: Oh, you are beautiful!
George: And maybe she'll see me when she gets there, does this woman intend to spend time with me?
Waitress: I'd have to say no.
[George flips over a piece of paper to reveal "No"]
George: So why did she call?
Waitress: To be polite.
George: To be polite. I rest my case.

George: Jerry? I have to tell you somethin'. This is the dullest moment I've ever experienced.
Jerry: Well, look at this guy! Look, he's got everything, he's got: detergents, sprays, fabric softeners... This is not his first load.

Jerry: [answers phone] If you know what happened in the Met game, don't say anything. I taped it. Hello? Yeah, no, sorry. You have the wrong number.
Kramer: [enters] Are you up?
Jerry: Yeah. [on the phone] You know, people do move. You ever seen the big trucks out on the street? Yeah, no problem. [hangs up]
Kramer: Boy, the Mets blew it tonight, huh?
Jerry: [groans] Oh, what are you doing? Kessler, it's a tape. I taped the game. It's one o'clock in the morning! I avoided human contact all night to watch this.

Jerry: Well, what happened in the game anyway?
Kramer: What happened? Well, they stunk! That's what happened! You know, I almost wound up going to that game.
Jerry: Yeah you almost went to the game? You haven't been out of the building in ten years!
Kramer: Yeah.

Kramer: I thought I wasn't allowed to be in here this weekend.
Jerry: No, it's OK now. That girl is not coming. Uh, I, I misread the whole thing.
Kramer: You want me to talk to her?
Jerry: I don't think so.
Kramer: Oh, I can be very persuasive. Do you know that I was almost... a lawyer.
Jerry: That close, huh?
Kramer: You better believe it.

Jerry: If my father was moving this he'd had to have a cigarette in his mouth the whole way. Have you got your end? Your end's got to come down first. Easy now, drop it down. Drop it down, your end's got to come down.

George: What was the exact phrasing of the request?
Jerry: All right, she said she couldn't find a decent hotel room.
George: A decent hotel room...
Jerry: Yeah, a decent hotel room. Would it be terribly inconvenient if she stayed at my place.
George: You can't be serious. This is New York City. There must be eleven million decent hotel-rooms. What do you need? A flag? This is the signal, Jerry, this is the signal!
Jerry: This is the signal? Thank you, Mr. Signal, where were you yesterday?
George: I think I was affected by the caffeine.

Kramer: Is this for that girl?
Jerry: Yeah.
Kramer: Why even give her an option?
Jerry: This is a person I like. It's not: "How to score on spring break".

Jerry: Oh, wait a second. Oh, I, I forgot to clean the bathroom.
George: So what? That's good.
Jerry: Now, how could that be good?
George: Because filth is good. What do you think, rock stars have sponges and ammonia lying around the bathroom? You think they have a woman coming over, "I've gotta tidy up? Yeah right, in these matters you never do what your instincts tell you. Always, always do the opposite.
Jerry: This is how you operate?
George: Yeah, I wish.

Kramer: How's the real estate-business?
George: It's uh, not bad, it's coming along. Why? Did you need something.
Kramer: Do you handle any of that commercial real estate?
George: Well, I might be getting in to that.
Kramer: You keep me posted!
George: I'm aware of you.