Frank Costanza: They're not coming?
George: No, they had plans.
Estelle Costanza: How could they have plans?
George: That's what I wanna know.
Frank Costanza: Well what difference does it make? They wouldn't lie to us, they're our dear friends.
Estelle Costanza: What am I supposed to do with all this paella?
George: They said tomorrow, maybe.
Frank Costanza: Maybe?
Estelle Costanza: Maybe they don't like us.
Frank Costanza: Why wouldn't they like us? [tastes the paella, chokes] Again with the pepper? What do you gotta use all the pepper for?
Estelle Costanza: Ah, keep quiet.
Frank Costanza: What, are you trying to set my mouth on fire?
George: I don't know what the reason could be.

George: Anyway, it's kind of a fluke thing but... Uh, I'll be leaving for Paris in two days. I will send you a postcard when I get there.
Alec: Paris, huh?
George: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I feel terrible about it, Joey, but it's just- It's a great business opportunity. I-I don't even know how long I'm gonna be away for.
Alec: Where will you stay?
George: An apartment complex. The, uh... The Eiffel Towers. Um... Like I said, you'll be getting a postcard in a few days and again I'm sorry.
Alec: George, you have no idea how fantastic this is.
George: Fantastic?
Alec: Yeah. We've been trying to reunite Joey with his father who lives in Paris. But he's afraid to fly alone. You know, he's kinda withdrawn. But he seems to take to you. So it's a perfect solution.
George: Gee, what a coincidence.
Alec: And you'll send me a postcard.

Kramer: So how did you come up with the idea for the belt-less trench coat?
Morty Seinfeld: I came home one night, and I tripped over one of Jerry's toys. So I took out my belt just to threaten him, and I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Kramer: How serendipitous.
Morty Seinfeld: So that night, I cut off the loops and the Executive was born.
Kramer: Mmm.
Jerry: He also came up with an idea for a brimless rain-hat but that never materialized.

George: [enters] Aah... [looks around for Jerry] Aah... [spots Jerry] Ah-ha. They had plans, huh? They were busy. They were busy with their big plans!
Jerry: What are you talking about?
George: Mom and Pop Seinfeld
Jerry: Look, I don't know.
George: All right, I happen to know what they did last night. They had dinner with Kramer.
Jerry: Oh, they were tired it was a last minute thing.
George: So what's the deal they don't want to have dinner with my parents?
Jerry: That's right.
George: Is there something wrong with my parents?
Jerry: Absolutely.
George: Because my parents happen to be two pretty wonderful people.
Jerry: These are the same people you currently live with?
George: Yes.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
George: So are they coming tonight or not?
Jerry: Look, I really don't know what they're plans are.
George: Okay, fine. It's going to be very interesting, very interesting if they don't show up tonight. You know, my mother made all this paella.
Jerry: What is that anyway?
George: It's a Spanish dish. It's a melange of fish and meat with rice. Very tasty.

George: Hey could you do one other thing for me?
Jerry: Name it.
George: You think your parents would have any objections to taking a little kid to Paris with them? It turns out that the kid's father lives in Paris. [chuckling] Is that a coincidence? And, you know, Alec wants me to take him over there so I figure as long as they're going...
Jerry: So you thought as long as they're mailing postcards, it wouldn't be too much to ask my parents to drag a child who they've never seen, through the streets of Paris?
George: ... All right, if you think it's too much, they don't have to mail the postcards.

Morty Seinfeld: Boy, that was some show.
Jerry: What show?
Morty Seinfeld: "My Fair Lady".
Jerry: When did you get tickets to see that?
Helen Seinfeld: Aaron surprised us, and Elaine came.
Jerry: Oh, Elaine, really? Well, that sounds interesting.
Morty Seinfeld: We saw Regis Philbin get out of a limousine.
Jerry: Oh.
Helen Seinfeld: He looks better on TV.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I'm not crazy about used clothes. I mean, they call it vintage, you know to take your mind off of what it really is, nasty-wear. Oh, it's clean, you know. People wear underwear. Yeah, well they don't wear iron underwear and that's what it's gonna take to get me in those clothes. I mean, I'll move into an apartment after a strange person moves out. Why would I wanna move into somebody's pants? There is no vintage underwear, of course. But it's not because the guy couldn't sell his underwear, it's because men wear their underwear until it absolutely disintegrates. Men hang on to underwear until... until each individual underwear molecule is so strained it can barely retain the properties of a solid. It actually becomes underwear vapor. W- We don't even throw it out, we just open a window and it goes out like dandelion spoors. That's how men throw out underwear we just go... [blows] and it's gone. That's it. It's just...

Elaine: No, I know they're your parents, Jerry, and they're very nice people. But don't you think it's odd, that a thirty-five-year-old man is going to these lengths to see that someone else's parents are enjoying themselves? I mean don't you find that abnormal?
Jerry: It is a tad askew.
Elaine: I mean, they're your parents and you don't do anything. So why is this stranger doing it?
Jerry: I've hardly been out to dinner with them.
Elaine: See? See? I can't even say anything you know because all he's really doing is being nice. But- But nobody is this nice. This is, like, certifiably nice.
Jerry: You're right. He's insane.
Elaine: Yes, he's insane. That's what I think.

Elaine: So, how was the movie?
Jerry: Uh, from what I saw it was pretty good.
Elaine: Yeah. What do you mean from what you saw?
Jerry: Well I, um... I didn't, uh, actually get to see the whole movie.
Elaine: Yeah, why not?
Jerry: I was kind of making out.
Elaine: You were making out during Schindler's List?
Jerry: I couldn't help it. We hadn't been alone in a long time. It just got the better of me.
Elaine: During Schindler's List?
Jerry: We're both living with our parents.
Elaine: Did anybody see you? Did anyone say anything?
Jerry: No, I don't think so. I saw Newman as I was leaving, but he didn't say anything.

Newman: Hello, Mrs. Seinfeld.
Helen Seinfeld: [like Jerry] Hello, Newman. Jerry's not here. [goes to close the door]
Newman: Uh... [walks in] Having a nice trip? [grabs a junior mint and pockets it]
Helen Seinfeld: Wonderful. We went to the theater last night.
Newman: Oh, the theater. Because I was wondering...
Helen Seinfeld: Wondering what?
Newman: Why I didn't see you at Schindler's List with Jerry.
Helen Seinfeld: Well we already saw it.
Newman: Oh, well, it's a good thing for Jerry that you didn't go.
Morty Seinfeld: Why is that?
Newman: Well, he really seemed to have his hands full if you know what I mean.
Helen Seinfeld: I'm afraid I don't.
Newman: Him and his buxom little friend Rachel were going at it pretty good in the balcony.
Morty Seinfeld: What?
Newman: What, do I have to spell it out for yeah? He was moving on her like the storm-troopers into Poland.
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry was necking during Schindler's List?
Newman: Yes! And a more offensive spectacle I cannot recall. Anyway I just really came up to get some detergent.
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry sends his laundry out.
Newman: [laughing] Oh, right. Well, it was very nice seeing you folks. And, by the way, you didn't hear this from me. Ta-ta.