Jerry: They're hands!
George: This woman just set me up for a job.
Jerry: Well, what about my hands? I don't see how your hands are any better than my hands.
George: What, are you kidding? The knuckles are all out of proportion. you got hair over there. Where do you get off comparing your hands to my hands?! This is a one-in-a-million hand.
Jerry: Well, that's what comes from avoiding manual labor your whole life.

Leslie: [shouting] You ruined me! You ruined my career!
Jerry: Oh, just keep your voice down, everyone can hear you.
Leslie: Well, I don't give a damn!
Jerry: You know, if you talked this loud to begin with, I wouldn't be in this costume in the first place.

Jerry: I told you I'd lend you the money for the rent.
George: No, no, no, no. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.

Estelle Costanza: So, how are you, Jerry?
Jerry: Fine, Mrs. Costanza. Hey, I got a terrific joke for you..
Estelle Costanza: Nah, not interested.
Jerry: No, no. It's really funny. There's these two guys-
Estelle Costanza: Tell it to the audience.

Homeless Man: [pirate talk] Can you spare a little change for an old buccaneer?
Jerry: You know, it's really not a bad-looking shirt.

Kramer: You know that, uh, Leslie, is in the clothing business? She's a designer.
Elaine: Oh?
Kramer: In fact, she's come up with a new one that is going to be the big new look in mens fashions.. It's a, a puffy shirt. [Leslie mumbles to Kramer] Well, yeah, it... It's all puffy. Like the pirates used to wear.
Elaine: Oh, a puffy shirt.
Jerry: Puffy.
Kramer: Yeah, see, I think people want to look like pirates. You know, it's the right time for it. To be all puffy, and devil-may-care.
[As Leslie starts talking quietly, Kramer laughs. Jerry and Elaine are still confused.]
Kramer: [laughing] That's true. [gets up] I'll be right back.

Estelle Costanza: Maybe you should take a civil service test.
George: I'm not taking a civil service test.
Frank Costanza: Look at this, George. You ever seen a silver dollar?
George: Yes, I've seen a silver dollar.
Estelle Costanza: Why don't you want to take a civil service test?
George: To do what?! Work in the post office? Is that what you want me to do?
Frank Costanza: Would you believe when I was 18, I had a silver dollar collection?
Estelle Costanza: I don't understand. You get job security. You get a pay check every week.
George: I'm a college graduate. You want me to be a mailman?
Frank Costanza: You know, I couldn't bring myself to spend one of these. I got some kind of a... phobia.
Estelle Costanza: So what are you gonna do?!
George: I don't know. I do know that I have some kind of a talent. Something to offer. I just don't know what it is yet!
Frank Costanza: I bet that collection would be worth a lot of money today. [does trick with the coin]
George: Oh, my God.

Estelle Costanza: Georgie. Georgie, would you like some Jell-O?
Frank Costanza: Why'd you put the bananas in there?!
Estelle Costanza: George likes the bananas!
Frank Costanza: So let him have bananas on the side!
George: All right, please! Please! I cannot have this constant bickering! Stress is very damaging to the epidermis! Now, I have an important photo session in the morning. My hands have got to be in tip-top shape. So please, keep the television down, and the conversation to a minimum.
Estelle Costanza: [quietly] But Georgie, what about the Jell-O?
George: I'll take it in my room.

Kramer: Now, that's a great looking shirt. Aye Captain! Yeah. I'm glad I ironed it. It's perfect. Look at it. It's fantastic.
Jerry: Kramer, how am I gonna wear this?! I can't wear this!
Kramer: Hey, this look's better than anything you own. You know, in two months time, everybody's gonna be wearing the pirate look. Aye!

Elaine: Well, you can't wear that on the show.
Kramer: Elaine, you want to stop?
Elaine: Wha- What? No. Jerry, you are promoting a benefit to clothe the homeless people. You can't come out dressed like that. You're all puffed up! You look like the Count of Monte Cristo.
Jerry: I have to wear it! The woman has orders for this shirt based on me wearing it on TV. They're producing them as we speak.
Elaine: But you're supposed to be a compassionate person that cares about poor people. You look like you're gonna swing in on a chandelier!