George: Hey, when you order from the waitress, get her to point to the menu. I want to see what finger she uses.
Jerry: Uh, say, I wanted a side order of fruit but I didn't see it on the men
Waitress: Oh, you're getting it. [points to menu with her index finger] It comes with your breakfast special.
Jerry: Right you are.
George: I didn't get the special, but I'd also like the fresh fruit too.
Waitress: [scratches her cheek with her middle finger] I'll check.
George: I don't believe it, she did it again!
Jerry: Oh, she had an itch.
George: She had an itch. She could have used any one of those fingers. That finger was meant for me.
Kramer: [laughs] Yeah, she knew what she was doing.

Noreen: So, Jerry thought I was flirting with him?
Elaine: Yeah.
Noreen: [cuts a cookie with a knife and fork] Hm. He's kind of a baritone, isn't he?
Elaine: What are you doing?
Noreen: I'm eating this cookie.
Elaine: No, no, no. But why are you using a knife and a fork? Did you just think of that?
Noreen: No, I've seen people do it. I like it.

George: No one gives us the finger! We're Yankees!
Danny Tartabull: Want this last donut?
George: No, you can have it.
[Danny Tartabull begins to eat the donut with a knife and fork]

Kramer: Jerry, where are all the tote bags?
Jerry: I don't know.
Kramer: Well, I'm not leaving the premises without tote bags. I was promised tote bags and tote bags I shall have.

Kramer: [answers phone] PBS pledge drive.
Nana: Hello, I'd like to speak with Jerry.
Kramer: Oh, you again. Buddy, look, forget about Jerry. It's not gonna happen.
Nana: This is his grandmother.
Kramer: Oh, uh, Nana. Hello.
Nana: Tell Jerry I'm sorry, I'm going to have to write him some new checks.
Kramer: As long as you've got your checkbook out, how about forking a little over to PBS? You watch the station, don't you? You don't want to be a freeloader.

Dan: Jerry in there?
Kramer: Well, he can't be disturbed now.
Dan: Well this situation is driving me crazy. He's all I think about. I can't get him out of my mind.
Kramer: I'm sorry. I mean, I know what it's like to be in love. Ties you up in knots. And Jerry is a very sexy man.
Dan: What?
Kramer: Look, I'm not judging you. In fact, we here at PBS, we have many programs celebrating your lifestyle. Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City, gender-bending and swinging in San Francisco, before Stonewall about those dark ages when you couldn't come out of the closet, lest you be persecuted because of your, you know.
Dan: No, I don't.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: There's something very insincere about these greeting cards we send back and forth to each other all the time. They're like these little one-dollar folded paper emotional prostitutes, isn't it? "I don't know what my feelings are, so I'll just pay some total stranger a buck to make up this little Hallmark hooker to do the job for me. So I can go, "Yeah, I didn't write this, but whatever they wrote, I think the same thing." Wouldn't it be better if we just had one card that covered every occasion for everybody in one shot? Just "Happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy anniversary, congratulations, it's a Boy and our deepest sympathies. Signed, the whole office."

Elaine: She was hitting on you? My friend Noreen?
Jerry: Your friend, Noreen.
Elaine: Are you sure you're not just flattering yourself?
Jerry: If I was flattering myself, I think I'd come up with someone a little less annoying than Noreen.
Elaine: I cannot believe that she was hitting on you.

Kramer: Jerry, did you get my Fortune magazine in your mail?
Jerry: Check the pile.
Kramer: Oh, who sent you a card?
Jerry: I don't know.
Kramer: Open it, it's from Hallmark.
Jerry: Oh.
Kramer: Hello, my love.
Elaine: Hello, darling.

High Pitched Voice: Hello?
Elaine: [on the phone] Hi, it's Elaine. Listen, I was just talking to Jerry.
High Pitched Voice: Jerry?
Elaine: Jerry Seinfeld.
High Pitched Voice: Oh, I like Jerry a lot.
Elaine: You mean like like?
High Pitched Voice: What are you talking about?
Elaine: Noreen, were you hitting on him?
[meanwhile, we see a bald man on the other end of the line]
High Pitched Voice: Noreen's not here, this is Dan.
Elaine: Ooh.
Dan: You say that Noreen was hitting on Jerry Seinfeld?
Elaine: Uh, I'll call you back later. [hangs up] Uh oh.
Jerry: So was I right? She likes me, right?