‘The Phone Message’
Season 2, Episode 4 - Aired February 13, 1991
George is worried about a new relationship when his girlfriend doesn't return his calls. Meanwhile, Jerry can't get over the fact his girlfriend likes the Dockers commercial.
Quote from George
George: Okay, so you remember I made the initial call Sunday, she doesn't call back. I call again Monday, I leave another message. I call Tuesday, I get the machine again: "I know you're there, I don't know what your story is." Yesterday, I'm a volcano. I try one more call, the machine comes on, I let fly like Mussolini from the balcony. "Where the hell do you get the nerve? You invite me up for coffee and then you don't call me back for four days? I don't like coffee, I don't have to come up. I'd like to get one more shot at the coffee just so I could spit it in your face."
Jerry: You said that?
George: I lost it.
Quote from George
Jerry: How you gonna get me up there?
George: I'll tell her I bumped into you, I'm giving you a ride uptown.
Jerry: And who makes the switch?
George: You do.
Jerry: I do.
George: I can't do it. I'll, I'll keep her busy.
Jerry: I can't get involved in this.
George: I think I may be in love with this woman.
Jerry: What if she sees me?
George: Oh, you are such a wuss.
Jerry: A wuss?
George: Yeah.
Jerry: Did you call me a wuss?
Quote from George
George: Well, there is traffic. It might take her till eight-fifteen.
Jerry: I got one problem: you're keeping her busy in the other room. Now, what if she somehow gets away from you and is coming in? You have to signal me that she's coming.
George: A signal? Right, erm, OK... Er, OK, the signal is, I'll call out "Tippy toe!"
Jerry: "Tippy Toe?" I don't think so.
George: You don't like "Tippy toe?"
Jerry: No "Tippy toe."
George: All right. Er, OK I got it, erm, I'll sing.
Jerry: What song?
George: Erm, "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?"
Jerry: What is that?
George: Oh, it's a lovely song. [sings] How do you solve a problem like Maria?
Jerry: Anything else?
George: You pick it.
Jerry: "Lemon Tree".
George: Peter, Paul and Mary.
Jerry: No, Trini Lopez.
Both: [singing] Lemon tree very pretty and a lemon flower
George: Okay.
Quote from George
George: You got the tape?
Jerry: Standard. Micro.
George: How do you feel? Confident?
Jerry: Feel good.
George: You nervous?
Jerry: Not at all.
George: Get up, get up, it's her. Oh, the hell with this, I'm scared to death, just walk away, it's off, cancel everything, go!
Quote from George
George: I know Jerry. He has this phobia about public toilets. I think we really should go upstairs.
Carol: You know, I think I will go upstairs. I can check my machine.
George: Right, right.
Quote from George
Carol: That's what you had to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the pool?
George: [to Jerry] Don't you find that strange?
Jerry: Yes.
Carol: Well, I'll just check my machine and we'll go. No, nothing here, let's go. Oh, I forgot to tell you. After I talked to you today my neighbor called me and played my messages to me over the phone.
George: Oh, uh...
Carol: Yours were hilarious, we were both cracking up. I just love jokes like that. [laughs]