Jerry: All right, so you're chewing your apple, you got your enthusiastic 'Hi!' Go ahead.
George: So, we're talking, and I don't like to go too long before I ask them out, I wanna get it over with right away, so I just blurt out "What are you doing Saturday night?"
Jerry: And?
George: She bought.
Jerry: Great day in the morning.
George: Then I got off the phone right away.
Jerry: Sure, it's like robbing a bank. You don't loiter around in front of the teller holding that big bag of money. You come in, you hit and get out.

Carol: So, er, thanks for dinner. It was great.
George: Yeah. We should do this again.
Carol: Would you like to come upstairs for some coffee?
George: Oh, no, thanks. I can't drink coffee late at night, it keeps me up.
Carol: ... So, um, OK.
George: OK.
Carol: Goodnight.
George: Yeah, take it easy.
[After Carol leaves the car, George realizes what he did and bangs his forehead in disgust]

Jerry: I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note, it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up.
Donna: Values are very important.
Jerry: Oh, so important.

Jerry: Tan pants. Why do I buy tan pants, Donna? I don't feel comfortable in them.
Donna: Are those cotton Dockers?
Jerry: Oh, I can't begin to tell you how much I hate that commercial.
Donna: Really? I like that commercial. [Jerry pauses]
Jerry: You like that commercial?
Donna: Yeah, it's clever.
Jerry: Now wait a second, you mean the one where the guys are all standing around, supposedly being very casual and witty?
Donna: Yeah, that's the one.
Jerry: What could you possibly like about that?
Donna: I don't know, I like the guys.
Jerry: [sarcastically] Yeah, they're so funny and so comfortable with each other. And I could be comfortable too, if I had pants like that. I could sit on a porch and wrestle around, and maybe even be part of a real bull session.
Donna: Hey, I know guys like that. To me the dialogue rings true.
Jerry: Even if the dialogue did ring true. Even if somehow, somewhere men actually talk like that, what does that have to do with the pants? Doesn't that bother you?
Donna: That's the idea. That is what is clever about it. That they're not talking about the pants.
Jerry: But they're talking about nothing.
Donna: That's the point.
Jerry: I know the point.
Donna: No one is telling you to like it.
Jerry: I mean, all those quick shots of the pants, just pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants. What is that supposed to be?

George: All right, I gotta make a call. Everybody out, come on.
Jerry: Why do we have to leave?
George: Because I can't call a woman with other people in the room. Come on, let's go.
Elaine: Oh, see, this is the problem.
Jerry: You're kicking me out of my house?
George: Yes.
Elaine: Don't forget.
George: Oh, Jerry, do you have any apples?
Jerry: Don't do the apples. That's enough already with the apples.

Carol: [on answering machine] Hi, it's Carol, I'll get back to you. [beep]
George: Um, hi, it's George, George Costanza, remember me? The guy that didn't come up for coffee. You see, I didn't realize that coffee didn't really mean ... well, whatever. Anyway, it was fun. It was, erm, it was fun, so, oh boy, um, so, you call me back. If you want, it's up to you, you know, whatever you wanna do. Either way. The ball's in your court. So, er, take it easy.
Jerry: I'm just gonna get my jacket, I'll meet you downstairs. What's the matter, did you call?
George: Got her machine. I'm dead, I'm a dead man. That's it. I'm dead, I'm a dead man. Dead man.
Jerry: What did you say?
George: I don't know what the hell I said. I gave her an ultimatum and there's nothing I can do. It's a machine. The little light is blinking right now: "Come and listen to the idiot. Hey everybody, the idiot's on!"
Jerry: After one date you try and improvise on her machine?
George: Now I'm in the worst position of all.

Jerry: Not once.
Donna: Never?
Jerry: I have never seen one episode of I Love Lucy in my life ever.
Donna: That's amazing.
Jerry: Thank you.
Donna: Is there anything else about you I should know?
Jerry: Yes, I'm lactose intolerant.
Donna: Really?
Jerry: I have no patience for lactose. And I won't stand for it.

Donna: I'm Donna.
George: Donna. Oh, you're the one that likes that commercial!
Donna: He told you about that.
George: No, he, he didn't actually tell me that, uh, we were talking about that commercial. In fact I think I brought it up because I like that commercial. No, he, he would never tell me anything like that. He never discusses anything. He's, he's like a clam. You're not gonna mention this, to him..
Donna: [to Jerry] So you go around telling your friends I'm not hip because I like that commercial?
Jerry: What? [to George] What did, what did you say?
George: Say? What? Nothing, I..
Donna: You told him how I like the commercial.
Jerry: Well, so what if I said that?
Donna: Well, so, you didn't have to tell your friends.
Jerry: No, I had to tell my friends, my friends didn't have to tell you.
George: [to Donna] Why did you have to get me in trouble?
Donna: I don't like you talking about me with your friends behind my back.
George: Boy, oh, boy.

Jerry: I said I couldn't believe you liked that commercial. So what?
Donna: I asked some friends of mine this week, and all of them liked the commercial.
Jerry: Boy, I bet you got a regular Algonquin round table there.

Jerry: Donna, really, you're making too much of this.
Kramer: One hundred percent Cotton Dockers, if they're not Dockers, they're just pants!