Jack: So Jerry, you came all the way down here for this?
Elaine: And scuba diving.
Helen Seinfeld: Scuba diving? Who's going scuba diving?
Jerry: We're going scuba diving. We'll be back in time.
Helen Seinfeld: What do you have to go scuba diving for?
Jerry: For fun.
Helen Seinfeld: For fun?

Jerry: What kind of pen is that?
Jack: This pen?
Jerry: Yeah.
Jack: This is an astronaut pen. It writes upside down. They use this in space.
Jerry: Wow! That's the astronaut pen. I heard about that. Where did you get it?
Jack: Oh, it was a gift.
Jerry: Cause sometimes I write in bed and I have to turn and lean on my elbow to make the pen works.
Jack: Take the pen.

Helen Seinfeld: What'd you take his pen for?
Jerry: What? He gave it to me.
Helen Seinfeld: You didn't have to take it.
Morty Seinfeld: Oh my God! She's gotta make a big deal out of everything.
Jerry: He offered it to me.
Helen Seinfeld: Because you made such a big fuss about it.
Jerry: I liked it. Should I have said I didn't like it?
Helen Seinfeld: You shouldn't have said anything. What did you expect him to do?
Jerry: He could have said: "Thank you, I like it too." and put it back in his pocket.
Helen Seinfeld: He loves that pen.
Morty Seinfeld: Oh, come on!
Helen Seinfeld: He talks about it all the time. Every time he takes it out he goes on and on about how it writes upside down, how the astronauts use it.
Jerry: If he likes it so much, he never should have offered it.
Helen Seinfeld: He didn't think you'd accept.
Jerry: Well, he was wrong.
Helen Seinfeld: I know his wife. She has some mouth on her. She'll tell everyone in the condo now that you made him give you the pen. They're talking about it right now.

Jerry: So you want me to return it?
Helen Seinfeld: Yes.
Morty Seinfeld: He's not gonna return the pen. That's ridiculous.
Jerry: Hey, I don't even want the pen now!
Morty Seinfeld: Jack can afford to give away a pen with all his money. Believe me. He gives me a check for 19.45. He didn't have a Coke. Ho, ho, ho!
Elaine: Here, let me see it. [takes the pen and a pad] Hey, it writes upside down.

Morty Seinfeld: Stay on 95 South to Biscayne Boulevard. Then you make a left turn. Put you blinker on immediately, there's an abutment there. Then you're gonna merge over very quickly, but stay on Biscayne. Don't get off Biscayne. You understand me?
Jerry: Stay on Biscayne.

Helen Seinfeld: You're going underwater?
Jerry: Yes, generally, that's where scuba diving is done.
Helen Seinfeld: What do you have to go underwater for? What's down there that's so special?
Jerry: What's so special up here?

Helen Seinfeld: What's the matter?
Elaine: My back.
Helen Seinfeld: What happened?
Elaine: That... That bed. The bar was right in my back.
Helen Seinfeld: [to Jerry] I told you to let us sleep in there.
Jerry: Then you would be hunched over.

Jerry: Why don't you get a new sofa?
Morty Seinfeld: Nobody uses it.
Jerry: I'm buying you a new sofa.
Helen Seinfeld: Oh, Jerry, don't talk crazy.

Evelyn: That's some good pen. It writes upside down.
Elaine: The astronauts use them.
Helen Seinfeld: What did Blanche say?
Evelyn: I don't know. She said Jerry wanted the pen.
Jerry: I never really wanted the pen.
Morty Seinfeld: He gave him the pen.
Helen Seinfeld: Morty.
Evelyn: Why you don't like the pen?
Jerry: No, no, I...
Evelyn: Cause if you don't like it, give it back to him.
Helen Seinfeld: Is that what she said?
Evelyn: Who?
Helen Seinfeld: Blanche.
Evelyn: What are you talking about?
Helen Seinfeld: [answers the phone] Hello? Oh, hello, Gussy. What? Jerry wouldn't do that. Jack gave it to him. All he said was he liked it. I mean nobody put a gun to his head. [to Jerry] You're giving him back that pen.

Helen Seinfeld: What happened to your eyes?
Jerry: Well, I started to go under...
Helen Seinfeld: With the instructor?
Jerry: Yeah, and I got about ten feet down and I felt this tremendous pressure on my mask. Like my eyeballs were being sucked out of their sockets.