George: Well, I didn't know you wanted to go to the flea market.
Mike: A flea market? You went to a flea market?
George: Hey, who's talking to you?
Elaine: We just didn't think of you.
Kramer: You said it, sister.
George: What? Every time I leave my house now I have to call everybody I know and ask them if they want to do what I'm doing?
Elaine: People forget. Look at Home Alone. They forgot.

Jerry: I thought you said you were a good driver!
George: No, no, no. I never said I was a good driver, I said I was a good parker.
Jerry: I think you said driver.
George: Parker. I never said driver. I said parker. A great parker.

Sid: Hey, somebody better move these cars, you're making a commotion.
Jerry: Hey, Sid.
Mike: Who are you?
Sid: Never mind who I am. I know who I am. Do you know who you are? [to George] Why is it every time you park a car in this block, everything gets disrupted and disjointed?
George: Sid, it's completely his fault.
Mike: Oh, right.
Sid: Why don't you start taking the bus?

Jerry: Okay, George. Come on, let's go. I'm putting it in a garage. The fight's starting in two minutes.
George: Don't do it!
Jerry: What are we gonna do, stay out here all night?
George: Yes! I'm not giving him the satisfaction, it's my space.
Elaine: Why don't you just flip a coin already?
George: No. No, this is a matter of principle. That would just be saying that anybody could just pull into any parking space any way they want. Well I'm making a stand here. I'm saying no to head first parking. I'm not putting up with that. We put up with too much crap in this city, we're not putting up with head first parking.
Elaine: You know, maybe if you hadn't been sitting there pontificating about what a great parker you were, you might have got the space.
George: So you're against me now?

Newman: You wanna know why you can't go in front first? I'll tell you why. because it signals a breakdown in the social order. Chaos. It reduces us to jungle law. [George applauds]
Kramer: When can you park head first?
Newman: Never.
Mike: What are you asking this guy for?
Newman: Who's talking to you?
George: He's right. never.
Mike: Oh yeah? What if you got ten car lengths? You have to pull all the way up to the front car?
Newman: Well, I suppose if you got ten car lengths.

George: [o.s.] Well, you're gonna have to go to the bathroom!
Mike: [o.s.] Well, you're gonna have to go to work!
George: [o.s.] I don't have a job!
Mike: [o.s.] Neither do I!

[stand-up:]
Jerry: People will kill each other for a parking space in New York because they think, "If I don't get this one, I may never get a space." You know? "I'll be circling for months until somebody goes out to the Hamptons." I think because everyone in New York City knows there's gotta be way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. It's like musical chairs, except everybody sat down around 1964. The problem is car manufacturers are building hundreds of thousands of new cars every year, they're not making any new spaces. That's what they should be working on. Wouldn't that be great? You go to the Auto Show, they got that big revolving turntable, and there's nothing on it. "New from Chrysler, a space."

Jerry: You always have to know everything that's going on, don't you?
Kramer: What happened to the car?
Jerry: If I don't tell you it will kill you, won't it?
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, it'll kill me.
Jerry: You have to know, you must know.
Kramer: I must know.
Jerry: Well, I'm not telling you.
Kramer: Oh, come on.
Jerry: Nope. I don't think so.
Kramer: Well, please?
Jerry: Not today, pal.
Kramer: Okay, I beg you.
Jerry: Now see? Just saying beg doesn't make it a real beg. You gotta put some beg into it.
Kramer: Okay, please! Please tell me!
Jerry: All right, I'll tell you, but your begging needs a lot of work.
Kramer: Okay, okay, what is it? Come on.
Jerry: I loaned the car to George.
Kramer: Ah, George, all right. Well, what for?
Jerry: George and Elaine went to a flea market in Westchester, okay?!
Kramer: All right.

Kramer: I mean, what do they want to go there for?
Jerry: Will you stop it already?!
Kramer: You know, why didn't they ask me to go?
Jerry: I don't know! How am I supposed to know?!
Kramer: What, they don't like me?
Jerry: I don't like you!
Kramer: If they like me, why don't they ask me to go? Oh yeah.

Kramer: Hey, you know I invited Mike Moffit. You don't mind, do you?
Jerry: No, I like Mike.
Kramer: Yeah, I just got off the phone with him. You know we had a great conversation.
Jerry: Oh yeah? What did you talk about?
Kramer: Well, actually we talked about you. Yeah. He had some pretty interesting things to say.
Jerry: Oh, yeah? What did he say?
Kramer: You have to know everything, don't you?
Jerry: No, come on, Kramer. What did he say?
Kramer: Why is that? Why do you have to know everything?
Jerry: Kramer, just tell me what the guy said.
Kramer: Beg me.
Jerry: Please, don't make me beg.
Kramer: No, no, no. I want you to beg me. And I don't want you to say it, I just want you to put some beg into it. Go on.
Jerry: Kramer, please tell me what the guy said.
Kramer: No, no, no. That's no good. No, I really don't think that's a beg. No, it's close, but uh...
Jerry: Kramer!