Kramer: Hey, Jerry. What is this? Lady Gillette? What's going on? [barges into the bathroom]
Jerry: What? Can't I get a moment's peace?
Kramer: What are you doing to yourself?
Jerry: I can't stop. Alex thinks I'm naturally hairless.
Kramer: You can't keep this up. Don't you know what's going to happen? Every time you shave it, it's going to come in thicker and fuller and darker.
Jerry: Oh, that's an old wives tale.
Kramer: Is it? Look at this. [off-screen] Look at it! Look at it! And it's all me. [returns clothed] I shaved there when I was a lifeguard.
Jerry: Oh, come on. That's genetic. That's not going to happen to me.
Kramer: Won't it? Or has it already started to happen?

Kramer: Okay. Coming up on the right, if you glance up you can just make out my bedroom window. It's the one that's covered in chicken wire.
Woman: Hey, if you're the real Peterman, how come you're wearing those ratty clothes?
Kramer: What?
Woman: Well, they're not very romantic.
Kramer: Well, that's your opinion.
British Man: Can I have another 3 Musketeers? They're rather small.
Kramer: Forget it. Okay, Newman's postal route is around here somewhere.
Man #2: Who's Newman?
Man #3: Who cares.
Man #4: Hey, fake Peterman. Let me off. I'm nauseous.
British Man: Can I have his candy bar?
Kramer: Everyone just settle down. We have three hours left on this thing, and I can't drive and argue with you rubes all at the same time. [over the speaker] Okay. Lomez's place of worship is right on the right here.

Jerry: Why do I have to go on the tour?
Kramer: Jerry. you're a minor celebrity. If you go on this thing, it could create a minor stir. Come on. You can bring that little girlfriend of yours and I'll only charge you 60 bucks.

Jerry: Hey, how's business?
Elaine: Ooh, I've got stump troubles. The Sanitation Department won't get rid of them all. I can't get a truck to haul this stuff until next week. Meanwhile, I'm sitting on a mountain of stumps.

Kramer: All right, I've got to hose the puke off the floor of the bus.
Elaine: Bus? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Bus? You've got a bus?
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: You got any room on that thing?
Kramer: Yeah, there are a few seats still available.
Elaine: Do you think you could transport some stumps for me? I'll make it worth your while.
Kramer: Well, if they don't mind sitting in the back.
Elaine: No, they don't.
Kramer: Are they war veterans?

Man: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Where do you think you're going?
Kramer: I was going to dump this.
Man: It doesn't look like garbage.
Kramer: Well, it's muffin stumps
Man: Where are the muffin tops?
Kramer: This is a garbage dump. Just let me dump it.
Man: Can't do it.
Kramer: Is this a joke?
Man: That's what I'd like to know about it.

Waitress: So, the New York Yankees traded you for a bunch of Tyler chicken.
George: Dogs, twists, a kind of fermented chicken drink.
Man: Hey, aren't you the guy I asked to watch my clothes?
George: What clothes?
Man: These clothes. The ones you're wearing.

Jerry: Kramer how much longer? My chest hair is coming back and it's itching me like crazy. I can't let her see me scratch it.
Kramer: Don't worry. I've got a good feeling about this dump.
Jerry: I'm telling you man, I'm losing it.
[As Kramer gets off the bus, Jerry looks out the window and sees a full moon]
Jerry: I can't sit on this bus anymore. [dog barks] I think I'll go play with that dog.