Jerry: You don't wanna go with me?
George: Jerry, for all I know, this guy went out of his way to not invite you. How am I gonna feel if I show up with an uninvited, unwelcome intruder?
Jerry: The way I feel when I go places with you?

George: These are the balloons? Big deal. All I see is Woody Woodpecker.
Kramer: You got a problem with Woody Woodpecker?
George: Yeah. What is he, some sort of an instigator?
Kramer: That's right. He's a troublemaker.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The marching band is a perfect example of taking something bad and making it difficult too. I mean, why does the band have to march? We're not moving. Maybe if they hold still, we could all leave. Is that why they do it? People try and get away. "No, you don't. I'm right with you. Right with you, buddy." The human urge to wave at total strangers just moving by... is very strong, isn't it? Parades and ocean liners and those little trains that go through amusement parks. It's always that bittersweet, kind of hello-goodbye combination wave, isn't it? Just, I've never seen these people before in my life... and they're leaving.

Kramer: Oh, Jerry, these nosebleeds are starting again.
Jerry: Maybe we should get you to a hospital.
Kramer: I ain't going to no Bellevue. Look at me, I'm falling apart here.

Car Salesman: So, George, are you sure I can't show you any other cars?
George: I don't think so, Vic. I've done my homework. '89 Volvo, that's the car for me, it's the one I want.
Car Salesman: I got a LeBaron convertible right here.
George: [chuckles] N.I. Not interested.
Car Salesman: It's got a few more miles on it, but the previous owner was John Voight.
George: Jon Voight?

Elaine: Was that Tim Whatley?
Jerry: Yes, it was. He wanted your address. You, my friend, are going to be invited to his night-before-Thanksgiving party. [Elaine celebrates] You know, he's got that great apartment on 77th street, and they overlook where they inflate all those huge balloons for the Macy's Thankgiving Day Parade?
Elaine: I have always had a big crush on Tim Whatley. Why can't he ask me out?
Jerry: Oh, he's a dentist. You don't want to go out with a dentist.
Elaine: Why?
Jerry: He'll always be criticizing your brushing technique. It'll drive you crazy. Away from the gums...

Kramer: Uh oh.
Mom: What's the matter?
Kramer: Oh, I keep getting these nosebleeds.
Mom: Oh, lie down, and put your head back.
Kramer: Yeah. [lies down on the couch] Hey, what's with your ceiling?
Pop: What?
Kramer: Well, you got wires sticking out every which way. That looks dangerous, you should call the electrician.
Pop: You know, in the 48 years we've been here, I don't think we've ever called an electrician.
Kramer: Yeah well, you should. This place could blow any minute.

Mr. Pitt: Have you gotten all the salt off those pretzels yet?
Elaine: No, I'm still working on it.
Mr. Pitt: What in blazes are you listening to?
Elaine: Artie Shaw. "Honeysuckle Jump." [the song ends]
D.J.: [on radio] That was Artie Shaw, "Honeysuckle Jump."
Mr. Pitt: Elaine! How did you know that?
Elaine: Oh, my father used have a huge collection of big band records.
D.J.: Congratulations to our listener Wayne Hopper for identifying it. And by doing so, he becomes our seventh person to land the WFBB-sponsored Woody Woodpecker balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. There are only three spots left. We're going to take a little break now; when we come back, you'll have three more chances to win a spot holding a rope under Woody Woodpecker.
Mr. Pitt: Could you identify the next song? Could you? Could you?
Elaine: Mr. Pitt, why would you want to hold onto the ropes on the Woody Woodpecker balloon?
Mr. Pitt: My father was a stern man. He forbad us to participate in any activities that he thought were associated with the common man. The Thanksgiving Day Parade was first on the list.
Elaine: Oh. All right, I'll do the best I can.

D.J.: All right, here we go for the next spot under the balloon. If you know the name of this song, call 555-BAND. [The music starts. Elaine listens intently.]
Mr. Pitt: Well, Elaine? Do you know it? What song is it?
Elaine: Will you shut up? I can't hear!
Mr. Pitt: I'm sorry!
Elaine: Oh! I've got it! It's "Next Stop Pottersville"!
Mr. Pitt: Goody! Yes! Yes! Yes! [dances] Next Stop Pottersville, Next Stop Pottersville! You are a genius!

Jerry: So what am I supposed to wear?
Kramer: Jerry, I left you a pair right here.
Jerry: Where?
Kramer: Come on. You gotta look. [returns with cowboy boots] There, put on those boots.
Jerry: I can't wear these!
Kramer: Well, why not?
Jerry: They're uncomfortable.
Kramer: Come on here, try them on.
George: Where did you get those?
Jerry: I worked a club in Dallas one time and they couldn't afford to pay me so they gave me these. Oh, I can't wear these! They look ridiculous!
Kramer: Ah, you look like a cowboy! Huh?
Jerry: But I don't wanna be a cowboy!