‘The Gymnast’
Season 6, Episode 6 - Aired November 3, 1994
When Jerry dates a former gymnast with whom he has no chemistry, he is hopeful things will be more interesting in the bedroom. George embarrasses himself in front of his girlfriend's mother. Elaine disrupts a business transaction her boss, Mr. Pitt, is involved in. Meanwhile, Kramer has a kidney stone.
Quote from George
Lindsay: Mother, I'm going to walk Nana and Aunt Phyllis to the elevator. George, do you mind waiting just one more minute?
George: Mind? Why would I mind? I would love to wait! [shakes hands with Nan] Nana, nice to see you. Ni-ni-ni-ni-Nana! [embraces another guest] Aunt Phyllis, always a pleasure. What a pleasure! Hey, let's do this again real soon. I had fun, huh?
Mrs. Enright: Can I offer you anything to eat?
George: Oh, no no no, I'm fine. Let me help you with these dishes, huh?
Mrs. Enright: Oh no, George, you don't have to...
George: No, I know I don't have to, I want to.
Mrs. Enright: George, you are such a gentleman.
George: I'd argue if I could, Mrs. Enright.
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: What's with you?
Kramer: I got a stone.
Jerry: What stone?
Kramer: A kidney stone.
Jerry: What is that, anyway?
Kramer: It's a... It's a stony mineral concretion, formed abnormally in the kidney. And this jagged shard of calcium pushes its way through the ureter into the bladder. It's forced out through the urine!
Jerry: Oh, that's gotta hurt.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Oh, come on. One thing? One thing! What?
Jerry: Well... Frankly, I thought, you know, I was gonna kinda be like the apparatus.
Elaine: You mean like the uneven parallel bars?
Jerry: See, again, I really don't feel that...
Elaine: The balance beam?
Jerry: Could we stop?
Elaine: [gasps] Not the pommel horse?
Jerry: All right. Let's just drop it.
Quote from George
George: [on the phone] No, Lindsay, I had accidentally spilled coffee on the gentleman's windshield. Why would I do that? I have a job! Well, did she see a squeegee? Well, you're not going to make a dime without a squeegee. That's right. That's right. Just tell your mother it was all a big misunderstanding. You won't regret it. Okay, I'll see you later. Buh-bye. [hangs up]
Jerry: Strike two!
George: You think I'm going down?
Jerry: You're behind in the count.
George: I know.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Mr. Pitt, you have got to stop staring at that poster!
Mr. Pitt: I see something that could be a spaceship. Is it round? Is it pointy?
Elaine: [takes poster, smashes it] No, you don't see it, and you're never going to see it! [grabs Pitt by the lapels] Mr. Pitt, you have to meet with the shareholders, you have to leave now. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?!
Mr. Pitt: Hmm. My godness. what's happened to me? [straightens lapels] When's the meeting?
Elaine: In about twenty minutes.
Mr. Pitt: Oh! [puts ink-stained finger to mouth, leaving a Hitler-style moustache] Do I have time to change?
Elaine: Um, no.
Mr. Pitt: Well, excuse me, I'd better get straight over there.
Elaine: Uh, Mr. Pitt...
Mr. Pitt: Yes?
Elaine: Um, there's a just... [points at her own upper lip]
Mr. Pitt: [sees Elaine's hands covered in ink] Is that ink?
Elaine: No.
Quote from Jerry
Katya: He'll be all right. I must go and be with Misha now. I don't want you to come with me.
Jerry: Oh, why not?
Katya: It has been three days since our night together. Misha said that was all the time I needed to put in.
Jerry: Really?
Katya: In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of such sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as the comedian. You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no comedian.
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I've never been able to figure out why they make these bizarre toilet seats that they have. You know, like those clear Lucite ones, with all the, the coins in it? It's a lovely tribute to our past president, by the way. It's not bad enough Lincoln got shot in the head, we gotta pull down our pants and sit on him, too. It's just incomprehensible that you would buy a thing like this. You install it on your toilet seat. And this says what about you? "Well, I can't afford to just throw money down the toilet, but look how close I am!"
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: Hey, you got a hammer?
Jerry: What do you need a hammer for?
Kramer: Well, I got this new poster. 3-D art. Computers generate it.
Jerry: Oh, yeah. I wanna see that. Bring it over.
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: Hey, guess what? Remember that woman you saw me with the other day? You know, she used to be an Olympic gymnast?
Kramer: A gymnast!
Jerry: Yeah. She's Romanian. She won a silver at the '84 Olympics.
Kramer: A gymnast, Jerry. Think of the flexibility. Mmm, that sex will melt your face.
Quote from Elaine
Mr. Pitt: Elaine, I need you to proofread this report for my meeting with the Poland Creek bottled water people.
Elaine: What meeting?
Mr. Pitt: I told you. I sit on the Board of Trustees for Morgan Springs, and we're trying to acquire Poland Creek.
Elaine: Oh! [tries to take the paper]
Mr. Pitt: [pulls away] Are you using a fountain pen?
Elaine: Yes?
Mr. Pitt: They smear! Under no circumstances is ink to be used in this office.
Elaine: All right. I'll use a pencil, Mr. Pitt.