Jerry: [answers phone] Hello? [talks rapidly] Oh, hi mom. No, listen, I was expecting somebody else. I'm sorry, I can't talk now, I gotta keep the line clear, I'll call you later. Yes, I know I have call waiting but I don't trust it in an emergency. Good bye.

Elaine: Hey, isn't that Alec Berg?
Jerry: Yep, Alec Berg. He's got a good "John Houseman" name. Alec Berg. Mr. Berg.
Elaine: I can't stand him, he is so pretentious.
Jerry: John Houseman?
Elaine: No, Alec Berg.

Elaine: David, I don't think we should see each other anymore.
David Puddy: You gotta be kidding. How come?
Elaine: Well, you see, David, you're a face painter.
David Puddy: Yeah, that's right.
Elaine: Well, it's not that I don't like you, but, well to be perfectly honest, I'm just having some trouble getting past the face painting.
David Puddy: Well, all right, so you don't like the face painting, I just won't paint it anymore.
Elaine: Yeah, but you like the face painting.
David Puddy: Well, I don't need to do it. It's not like a habit or anything.
Elaine: Oh. You mean you'd stop it for me?
David Puddy: Yeah, that's right.
Elaine: That's so, that's so sweet.
David Puddy: Ah, come here. [they kiss] All right, I gotta go home and get changed before the game. I'll be back, we'll make out.

Kramer: Anyway, I um, I just want to say that I'm sorry. I lost my temper and I probably shouldn't have. I took it out on you and, look, if I've caused you any problems as a result of my behavior, well then, I'm sorry. I apologize. Even though, Barry, between me and you, we both know that you started it. I mean, who's kidding who? But they tell me that you're very upset, and god forbid I should disturb the very important monkey, I'm just hoping we can put this behind us, let's just move on with our lives, okay? So no hard feelings?
[As Kramer moves in for a handshake, Barry spits water all over his jacket. Kramer gets fed up and squares off against the monkey, who starts jumping up and down in his cage.]

Jerry: [on the phone] Hello, Alec? Hi, it's Jerry Seinfeld. You know, you got a great 'John Houseman' name. Alec Berg. "Did you hand in your assignment, Mr. Berg?"
Alec: What can I do for you, Jerry?
Jerry: Well, Alec, the reason I called is I just wanted to thank you for the tickets from the other night.
Alec: I wish you'd called me earlier, I could have given you my tickets for tonight.
Jerry: Oh, you already gave them away?
Alec: Yeah, but you know what? I have a friend, he's got a couple of seats. If you don't mind the nose bleed section, they're yours.
Jerry: No, we don't care, we just want to go.
Alec: There is one little catch, though...