‘The Doodle’
Season 6, Episode 20 - Aired April 6, 1995
George is offended by a doodle his girlfriend drew of him. Elaine needs to read a manuscript ahead of a job interview at a publisher. Meanwhile, Jerry's apartment is fumigated when he has fleas.
Quote from Kramer
Elaine: Jerry, I need that FedEx right now.
Jerry: I told you to take it.
Elaine: I didn't know that it was a manuscript that I had to read.
Jerry: Well, you can't go in there. It's like a gas chamber in there.
[Kramer walks out of Jerry's fumigated apartment]
Kramer: Hey, buddy. I left a Mackinaw peach in your refrigerator.
Jerry: Kramer, they're fumigating. There's toxic gas in there.
Kramer: Toxic gas?
Jerry: Oh, you'll be fine. You were there a couple minutes?
Kramer: An hour and a half. I was reading a manuscript. I just couldn't put it down.
Quote from George
Paula: Hey, look, no shave.
George: No. Why should that make any difference to you?
Paula: It doesn't.
George: Of course not. You don't care what I look like.
Paula: That's right, I don't.
George: I suppose I could pull this out and walk around like this and you wouldn't care.
Paula: Not a whit.
George: I suppose we could go to Lincoln Center and I could wear sneakers and jeans.
Paula: You could wear sweatpants.
George: I could?
Paula: You could drape yourself in velvet for all I care.
George: Velvet?
Quote from George
Jerry: Oh, my God. What the hell is this? Don't tell me. Velvet?
George: It's the real deal.
Jerry: She's seen you in this thing?
George: That's right. We just had sex. You know, Jerry, I've been searching for someone a long time. Well, the search is over.
Jerry: And now the search for the right psychiatrist begins.
Quote from Elaine
Mandel: Three hours of massage time, 12 in-room movies, including several adult features, five shoeshines, and $400 worth of snacks. Not to mention the damage to the room.
Elaine: Mr. Mandel, you don't understand. My friend had fleas. I ran into the gas. It could have killed me. My other friend couldn't taste his peaches. They're only good for two weeks.
Mandel: I think you've read one too many Billy Mumphrey stories. Good day, Ms. Benes.
Elaine: Okay, good day.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: It's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Mandel: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's what led to [clears throat] Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Mandel: Interesting take. So you believe that had he not been so enthusiastic, he could have averted disaster.
Elaine: Yes. Yes, that's right. You see... You see, Billy Mumphrey was a simple country boy, some might say a cockeyed optimist, who got caught up in the dirty game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Mandel: So it was more a question of attitude than politics.
Elaine: Yes. Yes, Mr. Mandel.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Hey, what's this?
Jerry: Don't ask.
Elaine: What, is it a drawing of Mr. Magoo?
Jerry: No, it's George.
Elaine: Oh. [laughs] It is.
George: Are you enjoying yourself?
Elaine: I'm sorry.
Quote from Jerry
George: Jerry, it's funny. Paula and I actually met because of Elaine.
Paula: Elaine is in my drawing class at the new school
George: And I went down there one time to see...
Jerry: A nude model.
George: If Elaine wanted to get some coffee.
Jerry: You know, I went out once with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her naked every week, except me. Needless to say it was quite vexing.
George: Are you through?
Jerry: Yeah.
Quote from Jerry
George: Oh! Dropped my napkin. [whispers] Jerry!
Jerry: What?
George: What are you doing? She had those nuts in her mouth. She just spit them out.
Jerry: [spits the nut out] Ugh! You- You ate these? You sucked on these and put them on the plate?
Shelly: Well, I didn't know you were gonna eat them?
Jerry: Still.
Shelly: I'm sorry you find me so repulsive?
Jerry: No. No, I don't. I mean, don't be silly...
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Oh, man. Did you see that? I ate discarded food.
George: Well, I've done that.
Jerry: Yeah, but with you it's intentional.
George: Haven't you kissed her?
Jerry: Yeah, but this is different. This is like, you know, semi digested food stuff. You know, the next stop is the stomach and you can take it from there.
Quote from George
Shelly: Well Jerry, I guess we should get going.
Jerry: Oh, boy.
George: Well, it was very nice meeting you, Shelly. And, Jerry, be careful, there's a lot of nuts out there.