‘The Diplomat's Club’
Season 6, Episode 22 - Aired May 4, 1995
Jerry's booking agent, Katie (guest star Debra Jo Rupp), thinks he's some big celebrity who needs to be pampered and have everything explained to him. Meanwhile, Mr. Pitt adds Elaine to his will, and George tries to show his boss that he has African-American friends.
Quote from Jerry
Katie: It didn't go very well, did it?
Jerry: No, it didn't. And you know why? Seeing that pilot in the audience really freaked me out.
Katie: I knew it.
Jerry: If you hadn't mentioned anything, I would have been fine. I became obsessed with him.
Katie: Why did we invite him? Stupid, stupid. When he asked for a ticket, I should have said no. I'm gonna go chew him out.
Jerry: Oh, it doesn't matter now.
Katie: Don't worry, Jerry. I'm on top of this.
Jerry: Yeah, you're on top of it. And I'm on the bottom!
Quote from Jerry
Pilot: [over p.a.] Sorry for the delay, folks, there is a slight complication that we're taking care of, and then we'll be on our way to La Guardia...
Jerry: [to Katie] What is the complication?
Flight Attendant: Mr. Seinfeld?
Jerry: Yes?
Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, but the pilot has asked that you leave this plane.
Jerry: What?
Flight Attendant: Apparently, he has some sort of problem with you.
Katie: I'm not surprised. I really let him have it, Jerry. He has no business being in your audience if you didn't want him there.
Jerry: I didn't care.
Flight Attendant: Well, now the pilot doesn't want you on his plane.
Jerry: Well, he can't just throw me off the plane!
Flight Attendant: Yes he can, if he has cause to believe a passenger will be a disturbance.
Jerry: But I'm not a disturbance!
Flight Attendant: Well, apparently you are disturbing him, sir.
Jerry: But someone is waiting for me!
Katie: Jerry, I don't want you to freak out.
Jerry: I'm freaking out! I am freaking out!
Quote from Jerry
Katie: There's a flight leaving at 8:00, and another one at 8:30, which one do you want?
Jerry: Which one do you think I want?
Katie: The 8:00 will get you in a little earlier.
Jerry: Then we'll make it the 8:00.
Katie: I'll book a hotel. Do you want a standard room or mini suite?
Jerry: Hotel?
Katie: Yeah, it's eight in the morning.
Jerry: No, no, no. I have to get home tonight. Bridget's gonna be waiting for me at the Diplomat's Club. Rent a car.
Katie: Mid-size, luxury, or sports model, what's your preference?
Jerry: I don't have a preference, okay! Just make a decision yourself, all right? Stop bothering me with every minor little detail, please?
Katie: [to herself] Okay, you're the big celebrity.
Quote from George
George: [on the phone] Hey, Jerry, how was Ithaca?
Jerry: I'm still here. Listen, you gotta go down to the Diplomat's Club.
George: Hey, Jerry, what was the name of the exterminator who fumigated your apartment when you had fleas?
Jerry: Karl, I think.
George: Karl. Yeah, he was a nice guy.
Jerry: Yeah, he was nice.
George: What company was it?
Jerry: Defend.
George: Yeah, you know we spoke for a little bit...
Jerry: You need an exterminator?
George: No, not really.
Jerry: Oh, don't tell me. Because he's black?
George: Gotta go.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: [wakes up] Where are we?
Katie: I'm not sure.
Jerry: Is this even a road?
Katie: Oh, we lost the road a half hour ago.
Jerry: What? Why didn't you wake me up?
Katie: You told me not to bother you with minor details.
Jerry: No road is a major detail!
Katie: Okay, now I know. Should I keep going or turn around, do you have a preference?
Jerry: Look out!
Quote from George
George: May I help you?
Karl: I'm the exterminator.
George: Oh, yes of course, come in.
Karl: Why didn't you want me to bring my equipment or wear my uniform?
George: Yes, well, if the other people in the office saw that I called an exterminator, they would just panic. Besides, this is sort of a friendly visit. Karl, right?
Karl: Do I know you?
George: Yeah, sure. We met at Jerry Seinfeld's apartment when you fumigated for fleas over there.
Karl: Seinfeld. Oh yeah, funny white guy, right?
George: Jerry? Yes, I suppose he is white. You know, I never really thought about it. I don't see people in terms of color. You know, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Hang on... [to intercom] Is Mr. Morgan in?
Woman: [over intercom] Mr. Morgan left for dinner.
George: He left? Huh. Karl, you hungry?
Quote from George
George: Oh, by the way, order anything you want, it's all on me. Just do me a tiny favor: pretend we're old friends. Oh, my God! Mr. Morgan! What a coincidence, it's Mr. Morgan. Mr. Morgan, I want you to meet a dear old friend of mine, Karl.
Karl: I'm the exterminator.
George: That's what we used to call him in high school, The Exterminator. He's a linebacker. Oh, boy. Oh, did we have some wild times.
Quote from Kramer
Earl: Well, that Newman was your good luck charm.
Kramer: Yeah, he was.
Earl: I should have quit at double or nothing. Traveler's checks acceptable?
Kramer: Oh, I accept.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: [on the phone] What time does your flight get in? Six? All right, that gives us six hours. Then I'll meet you at the diplomat's club. I'll be the one without the big red sash. Okay, see you tonight. [hangs up]
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Well, guess what I'm doing. I'm going to Mr. Pitt's, and I am telling him that I am quitting.
Jerry: So that's it? You know, I never even met the guy.
Elaine: I've had enough. I am marching in.
Jerry: You're marching in.
Elaine: I'm marching.