George: "My wife's in a coma." Yeah? Well, the life support machine called and... Wait! Yes! That's what I should've said! D'oh.
[George does a U-turn]
George: You're meat, Reilly! You just screwed yourself! [laughs]

Kramer: Did you take this out of the garbage?
Jerry: Yeah, it's still got some spring in the strings.
Kramer: Oh, Jerry, this is a piece of junk. [puts racket in the trash] How are you gonna be the executor of my living will? [Jerry retrieves the racket] You see? You can't let go.
Jerry: Trust me, Kramer. Given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.
Kramer: I wish I could believe you. Hey, Elaine, do you have some free time tomorrow afternoon?
Elaine: Me?
Kramer: Yeah, because you're perfect. You're a calculating, cold-hearted businesswoman. And when there's dirty work to be done, you don't mind stomping on a few throats.
Elaine: [flattered] Oh, come on.

Kramer: Let's see what Dr. Gene prescribes, huh? Oh, here, look at that. Weekend At Bernie's Two. Now, that's an hilarious premise.
Elaine: Huh. Well... Yeah, I could use a chuckle.
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: What are you getting?
Kramer: Nothing, I'm gonna finish watching The Other Side Of Darkness.
Elaine: Oh. How much you got left?
Kramer: Yeah, about two hours. [off Elaine's look] Yeah, she shot in that coma pretty quick.

Kramer: Checking out the staff picks, Miss Benes?
Elaine: Oh. [laughs] ey. Yeah, yeah. This Vincent guy, he is the best. He and I have the exact same taste in movies.
Kramer: Oh, Vincent is an art-house goon. I stick to the Gene rack.
Elaine: Gene? Oh, it's so stupid and mainstream.
Kramer: I've seen all these, so I went with the Kramer pick.
Elaine: The Other Side Of Darkness? Huh, I've never heard of that one.
Kramer: Yeah, went straight to video. That makes me the premiere.

Jerry: Hey, this is the Z page of my address book.
Kramer: Oh, yeah, I put all your Zs on the weights and measures page.

Jerry: He called you?
Elaine: He must have got my number off the computer. We ended up talking for, like, two hours.
Jerry: To a guy you've never met? Your screening process is getting ever more rigorous.

Elaine: So he was bad. What do you care?
Jerry: Elaine, I paid two hundred dollars for this racket, because he said it's the only one he plays with. He could've played just as well with a log.

Shellbach: Situation number four: You're breathing on your own, you're conscious, but with no muscular function.
Kramer: Well, would I be able to communicate?
Shellbach: I don't see how.
Elaine: [tapping a soda can] Ah, I don't like the sound of this one.
Kramer: Huh, yeah, let's pull the cord.
Elaine: Yank it like... [opens soda can]... you're starting a mower.
Shellbach: Moving on. You have liver, kidneys and gall bladder, but no central nervous system. [Elaine gives Kramer the thumbs down]
Kramer: Well, I gotta have a central nervous system.

Shellbach: Okay. One lung, blind and you're eating through a tube.
Kramer: Nah, that's not my style.
Elaine: Boring.
Shellbach: All right, you can eat. But machines do everything else.
Kramer: Um... [looks to Elaine]
Elaine: I'd stick.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah. Stick. Cause I could still go to the coffee shop.
Elaine: That's right.

Elaine: Oh, this is the one Vincent told me about. The Pain And The Yearning. "An old woman experiences pain and yearning." A hundred and ninety-two minutes?
Kramer: [whistles] That's a lotta yearning, huh?