Jerry: Let me ask you a question. Was the movie part of the bet?
Elaine: No. We were both in the mood for one.
Jerry: You know, Elaine, it's not my way to intrude on the personal lives of close friends.
Elaine: Oh, is that so?
Jerry: Absolutely. But I feel I must inform you that what happened last night was more than a simple bet.
Elaine: What are you talking about?
Jerry: Come on. Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars. He made a bet he knew he was going to lose just to take you to dinner.
Elaine: Oh, that doesn't make any sense. I mean, if he wanted to ask me out, why didn't he just ask me?
Jerry: Because if he doesn't ask you out, he doesn't get rejected. He's found a dating loop hole.
Elaine: I don't buy it.

George: I got the calzones, Mr. Steinbrenner.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, beautiful. I am starving, George.
George: So, I thought tomorrow maybe we'd try a little corn beef.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Corn beef. Eh, I don't think so. It is a little fatty.
George: How about Chinese?
Mr. Steinbrenner: No. Too many containers. Big mess, big mess. Too sloppy. I want to stick with the calzones from Paisano's. That's the ticket.
George: I just thought it would be nice. A little variety.
Mr. Steinbrenner: No, no, no. George, let me tell you something. When I find something I like, I stick with it. From 1973 to 1982, I ate the exact same lunch everyday. Turkey chili in a bowl made out of bread. Bread bowl, George. You'd eat the chili. Then you'd eat the bowl. There's nothing more satisfying than looking down after lunch and seeing just the table.

Kramer: Hey, buddy. I am waiting for my shirt.
Jerry: You got your shirt in my oven!?
Kramer: Yeah, well, you know, I didn't have any quarters for the dryer. But this is better anyway. And it's more convenient.
Jerry: Oh, for both of us.
Kramer: And I have a lot more control. I have one shirt going for 10 minutes at 325 degrees.
Jerry: What's wrong with your oven?
Kramer: I am baking a pie!

George: Well, this is bad. I am really in a bad situation now.
Jerry: So what is Steinbrenner going to do if he doesn't get his calzone?
George: What's he going to do? That's exactly the point. Nobody knows what this guy is capable of. He fires people like it is a bodily function.
Jerry: Why don't you get someone else from the office to go to Paisano's ?
George: Because before you know it, he'll be having lunch with him. You know how these interoffice politics work.
Jerry: No, I never had a job.

Mr. Steinbrenner: [on the phone] That's right. Do you want me to say it again? I'll say it again. I haven't had a pimple since I was eighteen and I don't care if you don't believe me or not. And how's this? You're fired. Okay, you're not. I'm just a little hungry. I'm sorry. Where's Costanza? Where's my calzone? It's 1:15. He's late. Wait a second. I got to call you back. [sniffs] That smell. I know that smell. He's in building. Costanza is in the building. And he's not in this office. He's got the calzone. Costanza! I catch you, I'm killing you, Costanza!

Jerry: So who are you having dinner with?
Elaine: One of those fabric wholesalers. This guy, Todd Gack. I won a bet from him.
Jerry: Yeah, what bet?
Elaine: He bet me Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars. [laughs]
Jerry: Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars!?! Short Jewish guy against Darth Vader? I don't think so.
Elaine: That's what I said.

Mr. Steinbrenner: I am loving this calzone. The pita pocket prevents it from dripping. The pita pocket!

Elaine: Hello. This is Todd Gack.
Jerry: Oh, of course. Todd Gack. Who did you bet was in Star Wars? Sammy Davis Jr.

Jerry: What the hell is all this?
Kramer: My change. I need quarters for the dryer.
Jerry: Why can't you do this on your table?
Kramer: Because I don't have a table.

Jerry: So what happened after the movie?
Elaine: Nothing. He walked me home.
Jerry: To the door?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: That's a date.
Elaine: No, it's not.
Jerry: But I never walk you home.
Elaine: That's just because you're a jackass.