‘The Cadillac’
Season 7, Episode 14 - Aired February 8, 1996
Hot off a well-paid gig, Jerry buys his father his dream car, a Cadillac, which causes resentment in Morty's retirement community. A friend of Elaine tells George that she would have introduced him to the actress Marisa Tomei if he weren't engaged. Meanwhile, Kramer feuds with a cable guy.
Quote from George
George: We have to discuss my alibi.
Elaine: Alibi? What does that have to do with me?
George: I usually spend Saturday afternoons with Susan. She's gonna want to know what I'm doing. I can't use Jerry, he's in Florida.
Elaine: Oh, so you wanna say you were with me?
George: Yes.
Elaine: Pft. Okay, fine. You were with me.
George: Wait a second, wait. Where were we? What were we doing? Why are we together?
Elaine: What is the difference?
George: Because, if you ever see her and it comes up, we have to be in sync.
Quote from Elaine
George: Okay. How about this?
Elaine: What?
George: You are having problems with your boyfriend and I am meeting you to discuss the situation.
Elaine: I don't have a boyfriend.
George: She doesn't know that. We say that you do.
Elaine: Eh.
George: It's good. Believe me.
Elaine: I thought my idea was just as good.
George: The dentist thing?
Elaine: Yeah, right. The dentist thing.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Okay. So, I'm dating Art Vandelay. What is the problem we're discussing?
George: Yes, yes.
Elaine: Ah! How about this? How about, he's thinking of quitting the exporting, and just focusing in on the importing. And this is causing a problem, because, why not do both? [George looks skeptical] Oh, what? You don't like that suggestion either?
George: It's very complicated.
Elaine: You know, it seems to me that it's all you, and none of my ideas are getting in. You know, I mean, you just know it all and I am Miss Stupid. Right?
Quote from Helen Seinfeld
Morty Seinfeld: What are you doing? Are you making coffee?
Helen Seinfeld: Yeah.
Morty Seinfeld: Well, maybe you better make a pot of tea, too.
Helen Seinfeld: Morty, you're driving me crazy.
Morty Seinfeld: Look, I don't want anything to go wrong. If this woman votes to impeach me, I'll be a laughing stock.
Helen Seinfeld: You wanna drive a Cadillac? Expect to pay the consequences.
Quote from Morty Seinfeld
Jack: Hello Morty. [looks at watch] Well, missed the early bird.
Morty Seinfeld: Yeah, so?
Jack: Must be nice to have that kind of money. Bernie, look who's eating at six o'clock. Your suddenly well-to-do president. But, you enjoy your last meal in office. Tomorrow, they kick you out, you'll have plenty of time to drive around in your Cadillac.
Morty Seinfeld: They're not kicking me out. You don't have the votes.
Jack: That's what you think.
Morty Seinfeld: We'll see.
Jack: Yes, we will.
Quote from Susan Ross
George: Hi.
Susan Ross: Hi. So, George, what does Art Vandelay import?
George: Matches? Long matches.
[Susan delivers the second punch to George's face of the day]
Quote from Morty Seinfeld
Herb: Building D?
Mrs. Choate: Against impeachment.
Jack: [whispers to Morty] I can't believe you got that old bag.
[Jack's comments prompt Mrs. Choate to remember Jerry calling her an old bag as he stole her rye bread on the streets of New York]
Mrs. Choate: It's him. [points at Morty] It's your son. Now I know where I saw him. He stole my marble rye.
Morty Seinfeld: My son never stole anything. He's a good boy.
Ralph: They should lock him up.
Mrs. Choate: Like father, like son. I change my vote. I vote to impeach!