Kramer: [answers phone]Hello.
Nick: Hi, uh, Mr. Kramer, this is McNab down at the phone company. We've got a report about some trouble on your line.
[Kramer smiles as he recognizes the voice]
Kramer: Hmm. Well, I haven't had any trouble.
Nick: Uh, the thing is, we happen to have a man right in your neighborhood.
[Kramer walks over to his window and peeks through the blinds. He sees the cable guy using a phone booth across the street.]
Kramer: Oh, is that right? Well, I have been having a little trouble with my call-waiting.
Nick: We can fix that. We can fix that.
Kramer: Oh, can you? That's funny, because, as it happens, I don't have call-waiting. Seems to me that the phone company would know that.
Nick: Oh, right. I'm sorry, I was looking at the wrong work order.
Kramer: Yeah. Could you hold on for a second? I've got something on the stove.
[Kramer puts the phone next to the radio, which is playing soothing music.]
[later, as the cable guy waits in the phone booth, Kramer goes by in the passenger seat of a cab:]
Kramer: Hey, McNab! Chunnel's on HBO tonight. Why don't you stop by?

George: Okay. Now, why do I have to see you?
Elaine: Ah! Because, I'm going to the dentist, and I'm afraid, and I want you to go with me.
George: (dismissive) It's no good.
Elaine: (pointedly) Okay. Fine.
George: What?
Elaine: I don't like the way you just rejected my suggestion.
George: Hey, hey, let's not get so defensive here. This is a give and take process.
Elaine: I thought that my suggestion was good. And, I think you could've been a little more tactful.
George: Okay, look. We've never worked together on a lie. Now, you don't understand how I work. I have a certain way of working. Jerry and I have worked together a few times. He knows how I work. It's not a personal thing, you know? We're just trying to come up with the best possible lie. That's what this is all about.

Jerry: Nice to meet you.
Mrs. Choate: Hello.
Morty Seinfeld: Jerry lives in New York. You just came from New York, didn't you?
Mrs. Choate: Yeah. I was visiting my daughter, and I'll never go back. The crime there is just terrible. Do you know I got mugged for a marble rye, right on the street?
Helen Seinfeld: Oh, that's terrible. They stole a rye? Why would they steal arye?
Morty Seinfeld: That's what the city's turning into. They'll steal anything.
Mrs. Choate: They're like savages.
Jerry: Yeah, there's some sickos out there.
Mrs. Choate: You look very familiar. Have we ever met?
Jerry: You ever go to Camp Tiyoga?

George: I gotta go meet Elaine.
Susan Ross: Elaine? What for?
George: I don't know. She- She's having some problems with this guy she's seeing.
Susan Ross: I didn't even know she was dating anyone.
George: Yeah, yeah. She's seeing this guy, Art Vandelay.
Susan Ross: So what does he do?
George: He's an importer-exporter.
Susan Ross: What kind of problems are they having?
George: Well, he... Uh, he wants to, uh, quit the exporting and uh, focus just on the importing. And it's a problem, because she thinks the exporting is as important as the importing.
Susan Ross: Are you having an affair with Elaine?
George: Right. Come on! I'm having an affair with Elaine?! If I was having an affair with Elaine, I wouldn't tell you I'm going to see Elaine. I would make up some other person to tell you I was gonna go see, and then I would go see Ela... Elaine.
Susan Ross: Huh?
[George gives a smile and walks out the door]

George: So, anyway, if you think about it, manure is not really that bad a word. I mean, it's 'newer', which is good, and a 'ma' in front of it, which is also good. "Manure", right?
Marisa Tomei: You're so right. I never thought of it like that. Manure. 'Ma' and the 'newer'. Did you just make that up?
George: What, you think I'm doing material here?
Marisa Tomei: [laughs] No, no. It's hard to believe anyone could be so spontaneously funny.
George: And I'm a little tired.
Marisa Tomei: So, tell me, how is it that a man like you... so bald, and so quirky and funny. How is it you're not taken?
George: Well, Marisa. See, the thing is, I'm sort of engaged.
Marisa Tomei: [face drops] What?
George: I'm, you know, engaged.
[An outraged Marisa punches George in the face]

Susan Ross: Uh, Elaine, I have to ask you a question.
Elaine: Oh, sure.
Susan Ross: Are you having an affair with George?
Elaine: Wha...?! [laughs hysterically] No. Don't be ridiculous! (laughter) I mean, why would anyone
wanna sleep... [realizes who she's talking to] Well, obviously... You know... Why would you think I was having an affair with George?
Susan Ross: Oh, because he said that he had to talk with you earlier about some problem that you were having.
Elaine: Yeah. Yeah, I did have to talk with him. I definitely had to talk with him. Having a problem with my boyfriend.
Susan Ross: Art Vandelay?
Elaine: Yeah, Art Vandelay.
Susan Ross: I'm sorry. I feel like an idiot.

Jerry: Here, check that out.
Kramer: Whoa! This is unbelievable.
Jerry: I told you.
Kramer: My god, you're rich.
Jerry: Oh, yeah.
Kramer: I didn't know you made that kinda money. Jeez.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: I just don't think I can talk to you any more. I feel inferior.
Jerry: I never should have told you.
Kramer: You know, Jerry, I think this changes the relationship. I mean, I feel it. Do you feel it?
Jerry: No, I can't feel anything.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Old people in Florida, they drive slow and they sit low. Right? That is their motto. The stage flag of Florida should be like a steering wheel with a hat and two knuckles on it. And that left-turn signal on from when they left the house that morning. Right? That's a legal turn in Florida. It's known as an eventual left. And old people get to a certain age where, when they back out of the driveway, they don't look. You know what I mean? They just feel like, "Well, I'm old, and I'm coming back. I survived. Let's see if you can."

Jerry: Highest paying job I ever had.
Kramer: How much?
Jerry: Nah, nah. I'd rather...
Kramer: Aw, come on.
Jerry: Nah. It's not good for friends to talk about money, it can affect the friendship.
Kramer: I tell you how much I make.
Jerry: And I'm always impressed.

Kramer: Well, what are you gonna do with all that money?
Jerry: Actually, I was thinking of donating a large portion of it to charity.
Kramer: [pleased] Really?
Jerry: [deadpan] No.