[stand-up:]
Jerry: I don't know why people are surprised when someone gets hit in the head with a golf ball. Have you ever watched these tournaments on TV? You got 600 people crowding around a hole that big and no one can believe it when a Titleist gets bounced off someone's coconut. You know, you throw a rock into a crowd, that's considered terrorism. But if you have a nice follow-through, you know, that's golf. I'm always impressed with the golf cameraman whose job it is to follow the golf ball when it's in the sky. You know what I mean, it's a little white ball doing 100 miles an hour on a white background. "I got it. I lost it. I got it. I lost it." Why bother? Aim the camera at the sky. Aim it at the ground. Take a ball out of your pocket. Throw it down. Who's gonna know where the hell it came from?

Sue Ellen: Elaine? [waves] Hi!
Elaine: [inner monologue] Oh, great. It's the bra-less wonder. Who does she think she's kidding? Look at her, she's totally out of control.
Sue Ellen: I was thinking that woman looks like Elaine Benes.
Elaine: Yeah. What have you been up to?
Sue Ellen: I've just been hanging out.
Elaine: [nods] I see.

Elaine: You don't understand. See, she hasn't changed at all. She stole my boyfriend when I was in high school. I was at this party, and I was dating this really cute guy, his name was Tom Cosley, by the way, and she goes walking by, in this little floozy outfit, and he follows her, right out the door!
Jerry: She's your Lex Luthor!
Elaine: Her birthday's coming up, so I decided to get her a little present.
Jerry: What are you going to get her?
Elaine: A very traditional, a very supportive, brassiere.
Jerry: There's nothing subtle about that.
George: No, no, she might just think its a gift.
Jerry: Have I ever bought you a jock strap as a gift?

Jerry: What the hell are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be at work?
George: Yeah, well I'm thinking about getting out of town with Susan for a few days. Her parents rebuilt the cabin.
Jerry: So, you're just taking off from work?
George: They won't know. I got the car there.
Jerry: Do you think this is such a good idea, with you being on the verge of this big promotion?
George: My presence, in that office, can only hurt my chances.

Jerry: Hey, what are you up to?
Kramer: Nothing.
Jerry: Do you wanna go with me up to the Bronx and see if there's any flyers on George's car?
Kramer: Sure!
Jerry: I guess I could have said just about anything there, couldn't I?
Kramer: Yep.

Elaine: My God, are you okay?
Kramer: Well, I got a cut on my head and I banged my shoulder.
Jerry: I guess I have to bring his car back up to the stadium, if it can make it.
Elaine: So how did this happen?
Jerry: He was staring at some woman!
Kramer: Well, I couldn't help it, you saw what she was wearing.
Elaine: What woman?
Jerry: There was this beautiful woman walking down the street wearing just a bra. I can't get that image out of my mind.

Frank Costanza: What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the hell you're doing!!
Mr. Steinbrenner: Well, Buhner was a good prospect, no question about it. But my baseball people love Ken Phelps' bat. They kept saying "Ken Phelps, Ken Phelps".

George: [on the phone] Okay, I gotta head back right away, I'll- I got to figure something out here.
Jerry: Well, you got to call your parents.
George: I can't. Steinbrenner might still be there.
Jerry: Aren't you gonna tell your parents you're still alive?
George: No, they could use the break.

J. Peterman: Elaine, do you see this? Do you see what I'm holding is my hands?
Elaine: Yeah, it's a bra.
J. Peterman: I saw a woman in our hallway wearing one of these as a top. What exquisite beauty, I ran down the hallway to talk to her, but the elevator door closed. It was not to be. Perhaps our paths will cross again some day.
Elaine: What is this all about?
J. Peterman: I wanna market this item as a new direction in women's fashion. We're gonna sell this as a top. Here's the angle: Zelda Fitzgerald... somebody in the '20s, wearing this at wild parties, driving all the men crazy. Have it on my desk by the end of the week.

Mr. Steinbrenner: Come in, come in.
[George, using two crutches, enters with a bandage on his forehead]
George: Mr. Steinbrenner.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Ah, ah! Is it you?
George: Yeah, it's me sir. It's been a harrowing few days. After the car accident, I crawled into a ditch and managed to survive on grubs and puddle water until a kindly old gentleman picked me up.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Grubs, huh? Gotta admit, I never tasted one of those.