[stand-up:]
Jerry: First of all, I can't believe that people actually do fight. People have fist fights in life. I can't really believe that we have boxing either. It's really kind of an amazing thing. To me, the problem with boxing is you have two guys having a fight that have no prior argument. Why don't they have the boxers come into the ring in little cars, drive around a bit, have a little accident? They get out, "Didn't you see my signal?" "Look at that fender!" Then you'd see a real fight.

Jerry: Elaine is having a... "houseguest." She's picking him up at the airport tonight.
George: A guy?
Elaine: Yes, a guy.
Jerry: He's from Yakima, right?
Elaine: Seattle.
Jerry: Everybody's moving to Seattle.
George: It's the pesto of cities.

George: So?
Elaine: [to Jerry] You tell him.
Jerry: Well, from what I can piece together, our friend here met a gentleman.
Elaine: Ed.
Jerry: Who was in town on a business venture, and um...
Elaine: We shared an interpersonal experience. [George hits his glass with his fork] Go on.
Jerry: So they went out a few times, but apparently, when the fellow returned home, he discovered that the Benes tattoo does not wash off so easily.
Elaine: On some people.
George: Ooh.
Jerry: So, he's coming in to stay with her for a week.
Elaine: It was just gonna be a weekend, but then somehow it became a week.

[After George rushes to put out a flaming menu from the next table]
Manager: What happened?
George: Oh, the busboy left the menu a little close to the candle.
Manager: Sorry to the disturbance.
Elaine: [haughtily] I'm never eating here again.

George: Thank you, that ought to get us a free dessert.
Jerry: I think the busboy's in trouble.
George: Did I get him in trouble? Because of what I said? I just told him what happened. He didn't do it on purpose. [The manager and busboy point at George] He pointed at me. Why did he point at me?!
Elaine: I said I would never eat here again. But, I, I.. He had to know I was kidding.
Jerry: I didn't say anything.
[The busboy takes off his apron, throws it on the floor and storms out]
George: I can't believe it. He's going! He's fired!
Elaine: Oh, I said it in a kidding way.
George: I didn't know he'd get fired.
Jerry: He'll probably kill his family over this.
George: What if he's waiting for me outside? He pointed at me! Did you see him point?!
Jerry: A lot of ex-cons become busboys. They seem to gravitate towards 'em.
George: Was it my fault?
Elaine: Was it my fault?
Jerry: Maybe I'll try that pesto.

Jerry: Look, I feel bad for him too, but he'll get another job. I mean, let's face it, it's not a profession where you embellish your resume and undergo a series of grueling interviews.
George: Oh, like you really know busboys.
Jerry: Oh, like you do.
George: Hey, at least I was a camp waiter.
Jerry: [scoffing] Camp.
George: It was a fat camp. Those kids depended on me.

Jerry: Busboys are always changing jobs. That's the business. I know, I work with these guys. I talk with them in the kitchens at the comedy clubs.
George: Then why don't you try and get him another job?
Jerry: I'd love to, but I don't know anything about him. He could be one of those people that walks around the street pricking people with pins.

Elaine: I don't know if you people are aware of this, but I am one clever chickadee.
George: What? Did you get the busboy's number?
Elaine: His phone's been disconnected, but I was able to obtain an address. 1324 Amsterdam Avenue, apartment 4D. [Hands George a note] Now, I did my job. [to Jerry] May I have the car keys, please?
George: How did you get all this?
Elaine: Does the word "charm" mean anything to you?

Jerry: So now you're going to his apartment? I really think this is nuts.
George: I'd like to apologize. I want to tell him I- I didn't mean to get him in trouble.
Jerry: You, you're going now?
George: Yeah, I want to see if there's anything I can do. Maybe get him another job. Maybe I'll hear of something.
Jerry: Maybe the fat camp.

George: Look, I really appreciate your coming, but if you wouldn't mind - try not to say too much.
Kramer: What am I gonna say?
George: I don't know.
Kramer: Well, I'm not an idiot.
George: Certainly not.
Kramer: Then we're cool.
George: Yeah... Yeah, we're... We're cool.