Jerry: [struggling to open a jar] I can't do it. [as Don Corleone] Look what they did to my boy. They massacred my boy.
Elaine: You really do the worst Godfather I've ever heard. You're not even close.

George: So any word from the pig-man?
Kramer: No.
George: No. And he's not a pig-man, is he?
Kramer: No, he's not. He's just a fat little mental patient.

Stan: You're out, Jerry. You're out as godfather. You too, Elaine. You're both out.
Elaine: But I didn't do any...
Stan: No. No buts. We've made up our minds. We want Kramer. He showed us how much he cares about Steven.
Kramer: [as Don Corleone] Don't ever go against the family, Jerry.
Stan: Godfather.
Myra: Godfather.

Elaine: Hey, Jerry, you ever seen one?
Jerry: Oh, you mean, that wasn't..?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: No, you?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: What'd you think?
Elaine: [scrunches her face] It had no face, no personality. It was like a Martian. But, hey, you know, that's me.
Jerry: Hey.

Jerry: That damn mohel! He circumcised my finger. The mohel circumcised my finger.
Elaine: You flinched.
Jerry: Flinched? I did not flinch. George, did I flinch?
Elaine: Oh, how would he know? He blacked out. He fainted.
George: It was very traumatic. The last thing I remember was you flinching. Then everything went black.
Jerry: Who's got tissues? I need more tissues. Look at this thing. It's my phone finger!
George: Careful. You're getting blood all over.
Kramer: What about the baby?
Jerry: Oh, the baby's fine. They just took him to the hospital as a precautionary measure. But look at me. I'm the one who's hurt!
Elaine: Will you stop it? You're just gonna need a few stitches.
Jerry: A few stitches? I've never had stitches. I'll be deformed. I can't live with that. Goes against my personality. It's not me.

Jerry: I don't know why he asked me to be godfather. We're not even that close of friends. All because we're on the softball team... I'm the pitcher, he's the catcher, he thinks we have a special relationship?
Elaine: I thought pitchers and catchers did have a special rapport.
Jerry: Well, maybe in hardball, with all the signals, but I'm just lobbing it in. We don't have conferences. He doesn't come out to the mound and encourage me.
Elaine: What about me? I mean, I just watched a few games with her in the stands.
Jerry: Don't they have any closer friends? They're level-jumping on our friendship.
Elaine: Yes, it is level-jumping.

Elaine: Did you find the place all right?
Mohel: Did I find it all right? Could you send me to a more dangerous area? I'm dreading walking back to the subway, someone shouldn't smack me and steal my bag. Because I'll be lying there, and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. I'll be lying in the gutter like a bum. Like a dog. Like a mutt. Like a mongrel. Like an animal! God forbid anybody should help me or call an ambulance. Oh, no, that's too much trouble, to pick up a phone and press a few buttons. Ah, what's the point?

Mohel: Darling, you see where that glass is? See how the glass is near the edge? You've got the whole table to put the glass. Why you chose the absolute edge so half the glass is hanging off the table. You breathe, and it falls over. Then you've got broken glass on the carpet. Embedded in the carpet fibers, deep in the shag, broken glass. Bits of broken glass you can never get up. Can't get it up with a vacuum. Even on your knees with a magnifying glass... you'll never get all the pieces. And then you think you got it all. And then one day, two years later, you're barefoot, you step on broken glass and kill yourself! Is that what you want? I don't think that's what you want. Do you?
Elaine: [to Myra and Stan] He's very highly recommended, so...

Jerry: Oh, well, if it isn't Shaky the Mohel. Nice job on the circumcision, but it's not supposed to be a finger.
Mohel: The circumcision was perfect. That was your fault. You flinched!
Jerry: Oh, who made you a mohel? You get your degree from a matchbook?
Mohel: You see? He flinched again.
Jerry: Nice job, Elaine. You picked a hell of a mohel!
Mohel: One more peep, and I'll slice you like a smoked sturgeon.
Jerry: Oh, don't threaten me, butcher boy.
Mohel: Butcher boy?