Kramer: Hey, you know this is the first time we've ever seen each other naked.
Jerry: Believe me, I didn't see anything.
Kramer: Oh, you didn't sneak a peak?
Jerry: No, did you?
Kramer: Yeah, I snuck a peak.
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: Why not? Hey, what about you George?
George: Yeah, I... I snuck a peak. But it was so fast I didn't see anything. It was just a blur.
Jerry: I made a conscious effort not to look. There's certain information I just don't want to have.

George: Wow, Keith Hernandez. He's such a great player.
Jerry: Yeah, he's a real smart guy too. He's a Civil War buff.
George: I'd love to be a Civil War buff. What do you have to do to be a buff?
Jerry: So Biff wants to be a buff? Well, sleeping less than 18 hours a day would be a start.
George: [chuckles] You know, I only got two weeks left of unemployment. I got to prove I've been looking for a job to get an extension.

Jerry: It's been three days and he hasn't called.
Elaine: Well, maybe you should call him.
Jerry: I can't. I can't
Elaine: Why not?
Jerry: I don't know. I just feel he should call me.
Elaine: What's the difference?
Jerry: You don't understand, Elaine. I don't want to be overanxious. If he wants to see me he has my number, he should call.
Elaine: Ech, look at this ashtray. I hate cigarettes.
Jerry: I can't stand these guys. You give your number to them and then they don't call. Why do they do that?
Elaine: I'm sorry, honey.

Jerry: I mean, I thought he liked me. I really thought he liked me. We were getting along. He came over to me. I didn't go over to him.
Elaine: I know.
Jerry: Why did he come over to me if he didn't want to see me?
Elaine: I know.
Jerry: What did he come over to me if he didn't want to see me? I mean here, I meet this guy this great guy, a baseball player, best guy I ever met in my life. Well, that's it. I'm never giving my number out to another guy again.
Elaine: Sometimes I've given my number out to guys, and it takes them a month to call.
Jerry: Huh. Good, good. Well, if he's calling in a month he's got a prayer!
Elaine: You know, maybe he's been busy. Maybe he's been out of town?
Jerry: Oh, what, they don't have phones out of town? I love how people say they're too busy. Too busy. Pick up a phone! It takes two minutes. How can you be too busy?

George: You like gum? 'Cause I have a friend in the gum business. I got a gum guy. I make one phone call. I got boxes of delivered right to your door.
Mrs. Sokol: The address!
George: [high-pitched] The address is... Jose Jimenez. You recognize it?
Mrs. Sokol: No.
George: Jose Jimenez. Very funny. He's very funny.

Mrs. Sokol: The address.
George: Uh... Uh... Vandalay Industries is, uh, 129 West 81st street. It's a very small industry, Vandalay. It's one of the reasons I wanted to, uh, work for them.
Mrs. Sokol: The phone number.
George: That's, uh, KL5-8383. Are you calling them soon? Because they keep very strange hours.
Mrs. Sokol: As soon as I'm done wit you!
George: Sure. Well, uh, you know I'll check in with you next week. Uh, I gotta run now because I got a full plate this afternoon. All right, really go to uh... [George runs down hall]

Jerry: And what do I say about you?
George: You're considering hiring me for your latex salesman.
Jerry: I'm going to hire you as my latex salesman?
George: Right.
Jerry: I don't think so. Why would I do that?
George: Because I asked you to.
Jerry: If you think I'm looking for someone to just sit at a desk pushing papers around, you can forget it. I have enough headaches just trying to manufacture the stuff.

Kramer: [answers Jerry's phone] Hello. What-delay Industries?
Elaine: No, no...
George: [o.s.] Vandelay. Say Vandelay!
Kramer: No, you're way, way, way off. Well, yeah, that's the right number but this is an apartment.
George: [runs from the bathroom] Vandelay! Say- [trips] Vandelay Industries!
Kramer: No problem. No problem. [hangs up] How did you know who that was?
[Jerry returns and finds George, with his pants around his leg, lying on the floor]
Jerry: And you want to be my latex salesman.

Mrs. Sokol: Just sign here please.
George: I know who it was, too. It was the guy who interviewed me. He was very threatened by me. I mean, why else wouldn't he hire me? I could sell latex like that [snaps fingers].
Mrs. Sokol: Sign that.
George: [sees photo] Who is this?
Mrs. Sokol: It's my daughter.
George: This is your daughter? My God! My God! I I hope you don't mind my saying. She is breathtaking.
Mrs. Sokol: You think so?
George: Ah, would you take this picture away from me. Just take it away and put it away. Let me just sign this and go.
Mrs. Sokol: You know, she doesn't even have a boyfriend.
George: Okay. Okay. Who do you think you're talking to? What are you- Are you trying to make a joke, because it's not funny. I can tell you that.
Mrs. Sokol: I'm serious. She doesn't.
George: You know, it's one think to not give me the extension, but to tease and to torture me like this. There's no call for that.
Mrs. Sokol: Would you like her phone number?
George: Mrs. Sokol, I, I don't know what to say. I, uh... Where should I sign this thing?
Mrs. Sokol: No, no, no. Don't worry about it.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Unemployment's a tough thing. Even after you get a job, they take unemployment out of your check every week and show it to you in that little box. How good can it be for your confidence that every paycheck you get has the word unemployment on it? You can't get it out of your mind. You just got the job. They're already getting ready for you to be laid off. I have a friend who's unemployed. He's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked this hard in his life to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines, and getting interviewed, and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea the effort and energy he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise. I'm sure of it. The guy is doing a tremendous job not working.