J. Peterman: Elaine, do you have a moment? It's about your lover.
Elaine: Oh, yes. I know all about his little performance in the break room.
J. Peterman: Elaine, who among us hasn't snuck into the break room to nibble on a love newton?
Elaine: Love newton?
J. Peterman: I'm afraid the problem with Zach is more serious. He's back on the horse, Elaine. Smack. White palace. The Chinamen's nightcap.
Elaine: An addict? Well, it just keeps getting better!
J. Peterman: And, in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. I'm the one who sent him to Thailand in search of low-cost whistles. Filled his head with pseudo-erotic tales of my own opium excursions. Plus, I have him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel.

George: They made me buy it. A hundred bucks this thing cost me. How dare they?! I got news for you, if it wasn't for the toilet, there would be no books.
Jerry: Yeah. I understand Guttenberg used to spend a lot of time in there.
George: They're selling coffee, bran muffins. You're surrounded by reading material. It's entrapment!
Jerry: "French Impressionist Paintings"?
George: I find the soothing pastorial images very conduc-
Jerry: Thank you very much.
George: Well, I'm gonna go back there later and return it when there's different people working. You want to catch a movie?
Jerry: I can't. I'm meeting Uncle Leo. I saw him shoplifting at the bookstore.
George: All right, Leo! Sticking it to the man!

George: May I ask, what do you read in the bathroom?
Jerry: I don't read in the bathroom.
George: Well, aren't you something?