Jerry Quote #1257

Quote from Jerry in The Maestro

Jerry: Yeah, you know the other day how you mentioned that there were no houses available in Tuscany?
Maestro: You didn't find one, did you?
Jerry: No. I'm not really looking.
Maestro: Nor should you.
Jerry: But are you telling me there's not one house to rent in all of Tuscany?
Maestro: The houses are passed down from generation to generation. It's very hard.
Jerry: I can't get a sublet, a guest room, a cot, nothing?
Maestro: It's booked solid!
Elaine: It's booked, Jerry!
Jerry: How'd you get yours?
Maestro: Got lucky. Come on, Elaine, let's take a ride, I was about to pop in some Verdi.
[Elaine sings "La donna è mobile" as she gets into the Maestro's car. They drive away.]
Jerry: Maybe I'll check out France.


 ‘The Maestro’ Quotes

Quote from Jackie Chiles

Kramer: Well, you know, they don't allow outside drinks in the movie theater. So I had to put it in my shirt and sneak it in.
Jackie Chiles: Yeah, see, they like to sell their own coffee.
Kramer: Yeah, now is that going to be a problem?
Jackie Chiles: Yeah, that's going to be a problem. It's gonna be a problem for them. This a clear violation of your rights as a consumer. It's an infringement on your constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.
Kramer: It's definitely preposterous.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: I've never been any place in my life where there was absolutely no coffee. And people are constantly trying to give you coffee. "Who's having coffee? Can I get you some coffee?" Coffee's one of the only things you can have that people continue to try and give it to you. Waitresses are constantly coming over, "Can I warn it up for you? Can I top it off?" It's like, you could lift up a manhole cover: "We just made a fresh pot, would you like some?" This liquid has taken over humanity. There are coffee machines we have to call "mister". "Coffee anyone?" "Hey, that's Mr. Coffee to you."

 Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Quote from The Yada Yada

Tim Whatley: Father Curtis told me about your little joke.
Jerry: What about all your Jewish jokes?
Tim Whatley: I'm Jewish. You're not a dentist. You have no idea what my people have been through.
Jerry: The Jews?
Tim Whatley: No, the dentists. You know, we have the highest suicide rate of any profession?
Jerry: Is that why it's so hard to get an appointment?

Quote from The Puffy Shirt

Bryant Gumbel: Look, I'm sorry, it is just a very unusual shirt. It could be, kind of, a whole new look for you. You could put a patch over an eye. You could be the pirate comedian.
Jerry: Yeah.
Bryant Gumbel: Will you wear the puffy shirt at the..?
Jerry: Look, it's not my shirt.
Bryant Gumbel: Whose shirt is it?
Jerry: What's the difference? I agreed to wear it. It's a puffy shirt. I feel ridiculous in it. I think it's the stupidest shirt I've ever seen, to be perfectly honest with you.
Leslie: [o.s., loudly] You bastard!
Bryant Gumbel: Did you hear that?
Jerry: That I heard.