Elaine Quote #548
Rabbi: You know, Elaine, very often we cannot see the forest for the trees.
Elaine: Yeah, I don't know what that means.
Rabbi: Well, for example, say there's a forest, . . .
Elaine: Yeah, see the thing is, Rabbi. It should have been me. You know, I'm smart. I'm attractive.
Rabbi: You know my temple has many single functions.
Elaine: Oh, no, that's okay.
Rabbi: My nephew Alex is someone who is also looking perhaps...
Elaine: I don't think so.
Rabbi: He owns a flower store. Very successful.
Quote from George
George: I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?
Susan Ross: Well, maybe it's so you can see if there's someone in there.
George: Isn't that why we have locks on the doors?
Susan Ross: Well, as a backup system, in case the lock is broken, you can see if it's taken.
George: A backup system? We're designing bathroom doors with our legs exposed in anticipation of the locks not working? [snorts] That's not a system. That's a complete breakdown of the system.
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: Another caffe latte?
Kramer: Hey, you better believe it.
Jerry: Since when are you so trendy?
Jerry: Hey, baby. I set the trends. Who do you think started this whole caffe latte?
Jerry: I don't recall you drinking caffe lattes.
Kramer: I've been drinking caffe latte since the fifth grade and I haven't looked back.
Quote from George
Susan Ross: Can we change the subject, please?
George: Why? What's wrong with the subject? This is a bad subject?
Susan Ross: No, fine. If you wanna keep talking about it, we'll talk about it.
George: It's not that I want to keep talking about it? I just think that the subject should resolve itself based on its own momentum.
Susan Ross: Well, I didn't think that it had any momentum.
George: [inner monologue] How am I gonna do this? I'm engaged to this woman? She doesn't even like me. Change the subject? Toilets were the subject. We don't even share the same interests.
Quote from The Muffin Tops
Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.
Quote from The Andrea Doria
George: The tenant association made me give it to this guy because he was an Andrea Doria survivor.
Elaine: Andrea Doria? Isn't that the one they did the song about?
Jerry: Edmund Fitzgerald.
Elaine: I love Edmund Fitzgerald's voice.
Jerry: No, Gordon Lightfoot was the singer. Edmund Fitzgerald was the ship.
George: You could fit 15 people in that bathroom..
Elaine: I think Gordon Lightfoot was the boat.
Jerry: Yeah, and it was rammed by the Cat Stevens.
Quote from The Stall
Elaine: Excuse me. I'm sorry. This is, uh... This is kind of embarrassing... but there's no toilet paper over here.
Jane: Are you talking to me?
Elaine: Yeah. I just forgot to check, so if you could spare some...
Jane: No, I'm sorry.
Jane: No, I'm sorry. I can't spare it.
Elaine: You can't spare it?
Jane: No. There's not enough to spare.
Elaine: Well, I don't need much. Just three squares will do it.
Jane: I'm sorry, I don't have three squares. Now, if you don't mind...
Elaine: Three squares? You can't spare three squares?
Jane: No, I don't have a square to spare. I can't spare a square!
Elaine: Well, is it two-ply? Because if it's two-ply, I'll take one ply. One ply. One puny little ply. I'll take one measly ply!
Jane: Look, I don't have a square and I don't have a ply! [toilet flushes]
Elaine: No, no, don't go! I beg you!