Seinfeld - Kramer Quote #546
Jerry: Hey, do you know what the whip does?
Kramer: What whip?
Jerry: The whip in the Senate, in the House.
Kramer: Well, you know in the old days, when the senators didn't vote the way that the party leaders wanted 'em to... they whipped them. "You better vote the way we want you to, or there's gonna be big trouble. [whip sound]"
Quote from Newman
Kramer: All right. Now you listen, and you listen good. I know who you are. You're the scofflaw.
Newman: [defensive] What are you talking about...
Kramer: Ah, don't play dumb. It's me, Cosmo.
Newman: All right, so it's me. So what?
Kramer: You don't think I know how you're feeling, every second of the day? Looking over your shoulder to see if someone's coming up from behind. Sitting alone at night, knowing they could be closing in.
Newman: I can't sleep, I tell you! I can't sleep!
Kramer: Of course you can't, you poor sap! Now why didn't you tell me?
Newman: I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone.
Kramer: So you been living this secret the whole time by yourself?
Newman: [sobbing] Yes, it's been awful. I wanted to tell somebody. [pleads] Help me Kramer! Help me!
Quote from Elaine
Kramer: [opens the door to leave] Anyway, I told Jake that you said hi.
Elaine: What? [slams the door shut] You told Jake I said hi?
Elaine: I can't believe you did that! Why did you tell him I said hi? I never said hi! [to Jerry] When did I say hi?
Jerry: I never heard her say hi.
Kramer: Well, it's uh, common courtesy.
Elaine: No, no. Kramer, you don't understand. He made the last contact between us. I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand.
Jerry: It's like a game of tag.
Quote from Newman
Judge: Well, Mr. Newman, in all my years on the bench, I have never come across anything quite like this. I have given this matter some very serious consideration and I've decided that what's best for the city and possibly for yourself, is for you to keep your car, in a garage... [Newman bursts into tears] convenient to your home.
Newman: I can't afford that!
Judge: Afford it you will, Mr Newman. Or this court will see that your car is impounded... [Newman continues to sob] and sold at auction.
Kramer: Well, don't you worry, your honor. He's in my custody.
Quote from The Package
Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Quote from The Pool Guy
Kramer: [answers phone] Hello, and welcome to Moviefone. Brought to you by The New York Times and Hot 97. Coming to theaters this Friday: Kevin Bacon, Susan Sarandon, "You've got to get me over that mountain!" "No!" [bang, bang] "Argh" There is no place higher than ... Mountain High. Rated R. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1.
Elaine: Kramer, is that you?
Elaine: Uh, what time does Chow Fun start?
Kramer: I don't know.
Quote from The Jimmy
Kramer: You know, you really shouldn't brush 24 hours before seeing the dentist.
Jerry: I think that's eat 24 hours before surgery.
Kramer: Oh, no, you got to eat before surgery. You need your strength.