[stand-up:]
Jerry: If you are a waiter or a waitress and you ever see me in a restaurant, I'm telling you right now, I don't want to hear about the specials. I don't want to know about the specials. I'm sick of the specials. I hate the specials. My feeling is, if the specials were so special, they'd be on the menu. You know what's special about them? They don't know if anybody likes them. They always have those overly creative descriptions of the specials too, you know. The veil is lightly slapped, and then sequestered in a one-bedroom suite with a white wine intravenous.

George: But Mr. Steinbrenner, how can I be expected to perform my job properly, knowing that my, uh, subordinate is making more money than I am? With all due respect, sir, it's outta whack.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Uh huh, I understand what you're saying George and I know what it's like to be financially strapped. When I was a young man in Cleveland, I used to hitchhike to work. One time, I got picked up by a bakery truck. You think that stuff smells good? Try being cooped up in the back of one of those babies.I couldn't look at a donut for the next two years. Well, not that I was ever one for the sweets. Sure, I like a cup cake every now and then, like everybody else. You know, I like it when they have a little cream on the inside, it's a surprise. That's good. Plus, the chocolate ones are good too. Sometimes, I just can't even make up my mind. A lot of times, I'll mix the two together, make a vanilla fudge.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I don't even know what, what is supposed to be so attractive about fur? Why does a man want to see a woman in a fur? Men want women to shave their legs, shave their armpits, pluck their eyebrows and then before we go out, we dress them up like a bear. To me, the only reason to wear fur, would be if you were trying to sneak up on another animal. Did you ever see those tribal hunters where they wear the fur and then they had the other animals, head on top of their head? You know, I'm sure there's a moose looking at that going, "Yeah, that looks real good. Yeah, I’m gonna turn my back on this goof ball with the extra head. Because there's nothing fishy going on there. I'll just keep drinking from the stream. I've seen a lot of two-headed tigers with knees."