Kramer Quote #455

Quote from Kramer in The Big Salad

Elaine: Oh, how did you end up playing golf with him?
Kramer: Well, I met him on the course a couple of years ago. Yeah. Played with him a lot. But today was it! We're on the fifteenth hole. Yeah, he's beating me by a couple of strokes. Then, he's about to hit his second shot, when, he picks up the ball and cleans it.
Elaine: So what?
Kramer: Umph! Sorry! But the rules clearly state that you cannot clean the ball unless it's on the green. The rules are very clear about that.
Jerry: Certainly are.
Kramer: Yeah, so I penalized him a stroke.
Jerry: Ah, so what happened?
Kramer: He lost it! We almost came to blows. We're like face to face, like a manager and an umpire. We're like, [rabid] "Hey, what are you talking about?!" "You think I'm gonna put up with that?!"
Jerry: All right. You're in my face.
Elaine: I still don't see what the big deal is.
Kramer: A rule is a rule. And let's face it, without rules there's chaos.

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 ‘The Big Salad’ Quotes

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: How about if you bring me back something?
George: Sure, all right. What do you want?
Elaine: Um, hum, I don't know.. . . A big salad?
George: What big salad? I'm going to the coffee shop.
Elaine: They have big salads.
George: I've never seen a big salad.
Elaine: They have a big salad.
George: Is that what I ask for, the big salad?
Elaine: It's okay, you don't…
George: No, no. Hey I'll get it. What's in the big salad?
Jerry: Big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Newman! She went out with Newman!
Elaine: It must be a mistake.
Jerry: No, it isn't. And the most distressing part of it is not that she went out with him, but that he stopped seeing her. Do you understand? He, Newman. Newman stopped seeing her. Newman never stopped seeing anybody. Newman will see whoever is willing to see him. Not so much why she did see him as disturbing as that is. But why, did he, Newman, stop seeing her?
Elaine: Perhaps there's more to Newman than meets the eye.
Jerry: No, there's less.
Elaine: It's possible.
Jerry: No, it isn't. I've looked into his eyes. He's pure evil.
Elaine: Maybe he's an enigma, a mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Jerry: Yeah, he's a mystery wrapped in a Twinkie.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I find it fascinating when you go into a stationery store that they're manufacturing millions of pens, constantly. We're all buying them. I must have bought 6,000 Bics in my life. I've used up maybe two of
them. Where are the rest of them? When you move the refrigerator, there's always a couple back there but it doesn't account for it. Where are all the pens? That's why it's so embarrassing if you don't have one. "You got a pen? Can I borrow a pen?" We always have to whisper because it's so humiliating. "I don't have a pen." "They're making millions of them every week!" "I know. Where are they?"