Jerry Quote #849
Quote from Jerry in The Masseuse
Jodi: I was running late and I didn't have a chance to drop off my stuff before I came over.
Jerry: Ah, no problem. That's fine.
Jodi: What's with this music?
Jerry: That's new age music. Sounds of the forest. I find it soothing. Hey, look at this! What do you know? A massage table. This is great. [starts to set up the table]
Jodi: What are you doing?
Jerry: Just checking it out. Look at how this thing is made. Can I tell you something? That's a hell of a piece of equipment.
Jodi: Actually, I should get a new one.
Jerry: Nonsense. This one's fine. [sits on the table]
Jodi: So, where do you wanna go? [puts her hand on Jerry's shoulder]
Jerry: Go? Why go anywhere? [Jerry places his hand over hers. She starts to massage his shoulders] Ah, that feels good. Yeah. That's, uh... That's good. [Jerry keeps hold of her hands and lays down on the table] Yeah, that's nice. That's very nice.
Jodi: No. No, this isn't good. I can't do this. [pulls away]
Jerry: Why? Why, what's wrong?
Jodi: I can't.
Jerry: No. Yes you can. [pulls her back]
Jodi: No, I can't! [pulls away again]
Jerry: Come on! I know it's something you wanna do.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Masseuse’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: If there's a serial killer loose in your neighborhood, it seems like the safest thing is to be the neighbor. They never kill the neighbor. The neighbor always survives to do the interview afterwards. Right? "Oh, he was kind of quiet." I love these neighbors. They're never disturbed by the sounds of murdering, just stereo. Chain saws, people screaming, fine. Just keep the music down. And all these women who always fall in love with the serial killer. They write to him in prison. Here's a woman who's hard to disappoint. I guess she's only upset when she finds out he's stopped killing people and she goes, "You know, sometimes I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore".
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Oh, the risotto broad.
Jerry: Yeah. He's really got a good thing with her. In fact I'm doubling with them tonight.
Elaine: I thought you didn't like double dates.
Jerry: George likes them. He feels it's a good personality showcase. He likes a date to see him with a friend so she can get a window into his non-date personality.
Elaine: I've looked through that window and screamed at him to shut the blinds.
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: Uh, yeah, a ticket for Kramer.
Ticket Man: Here it is. I need some I.D.
Kramer: Oh, yeah. [snaps fingers] You know, I forgot my wallet.
Ticket Man: Well, I can't give it to you then.
Kramer: Are you kidding me?
Ticket Man: I'm afraid not.
Kramer: Come on, just look at me. Tell me I'm not Kramer.
Ticket Man: I'm sorry. I need proof.
Kramer: Look, I'll drive out here tomorrow and I'll show the I.D. I got nothing to do all day.
Ticket Man: Neither do I. But without I.D., I need confirmation from the person who left the ticket.
Kramer: Where is a phone?