George Quote #698
Quote from George in The Barber
George: [to various people] Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Hi, nice to see you. How are you. Good morning. [to the secretary] Good morning.
Secretary: How can I help you?
George: The name's George Constanza. I'm starting work here today. I was wondering if you could tell
me where my office is.
Secretary: I wasn't aware that... Uh, Mike, this is George Constanza. He's starting here today.
Mike: Welcome aboard.
George: Thanks, Mike. Nice to be aboard.
Mike: I didn't even know that Mr. Tuttle was finished interviewing.
George: Oh, well, he was probably just getting anxious to start his vacation.
Secretary: He wants to know where his office is.
Mike: Oh,. Well, all right, let's see, we've got two. There's a big one down the hall there and a small one over here. You know I should ask Jack.
George: Oh, leave Jack alone. Jack's got enough problems. I'll just take the small office.
Mike: Really?
George: Yes. I like to feel cozy. You know, I have a very small apartment. I like to feel tucked in, nestled in. Love to be nestled.
Mike: All right. All right. It's 808 right down there. Meanwhile, I'll get you the Pensky file, you can start working on that.
George: Yes. Yes, of course. The Pensky file. Ho ho, can't wait to sink my teeth into that. Wow that Pensky. Well, we'll straighten him out. [chuckles]
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Barber’ Quotes
Quote from George
George: I have an idea.
Jerry: Yeah?
George: I show up.
Jerry: What do you mean you show up?
George: I show up. I pretend I have the job. The guy's on vacation. If I have the job, it's fine. If I don't have the job, by the time he comes back, I'm ensconced.
Jerry: Hmm. Not bad.
George: What's the worst thing that could happen?
Jerry: Well, you'd be embarrassed and humiliated in front of a large group of people and have to walk out in shame with your tail between your legs.
George: Yeah, so?
Jerry: Yeah. I see what you mean. I forgot who I was dealing with.
Quote from Kramer
Elaine: [to Jerry] You know what, you should go over there and get one to look good for my bachelor auction.
Kramer: What bachelor auction?
Elaine: Oh, it's a thing where they auction off dates with bachelors for charity.
Kramer: And you didn't ask me to do it? I could raise enough money to cure polio.
Jerry: I believe they've had a cure for polio for quite some time.
Kramer: Polio?
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: The old-fashioned barbershop is, unfortunately, becoming a thing of the past. Now, what went wrong? Well, first of all, he needs a $20,000 chair to make a three dollar tip. I say, cut back on the chair, update the magazines. Why do barbers always display that license? There's no laws in hair-cutting. Except show ever customer the back of their head. That's the one law. I don't wanna see the back of my head. Why do I want to see something that I'm never gonna see at any other time? When I buy pants, two salesmen don't lift me up by the leg and go, "How do you like the crotch?" If I wanted to see everything, I would have been a fly.