Jerry Quote #787

Quote from Jerry in The Glasses

[stand-up:]
Jerry: But I want to know, when did glasses go from being this carefully crafted medical apparatus to just this mall impulse item. "Honey, I'm going out for yogurt and a pair of trifocals. You need anything?" It's always "Glasses in about an hour." "How much?" "75 bucks." "Well, here's $72. It's about $75, okay?" What are trying to coordinate it with the one-hour photo place, is that the idea? "Hurry up. Give me the glasses. My pictures are coming out right now. I need to see 'em!" Then they have those Woolworth glasses, you know, that are like...? They're there. They're there now. No eye exam. You don't have any idea what's wrong with your eyes. And the glasses are made up. They're ready and waiting for you to just walk in. "Thank you." You just walk into a wall.

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 ‘The Glasses’ Quotes

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: I've got such a headache. Oh, that's another symptom!
Kramer: Of what?
Jerry: Rabies.
Kramer: Oh, that's fatal. You don't want that!
Elaine: [grabs Kramer] I know I don't want it! I don't need you to tell me what I don't want, you stupid hipster dufus!

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I never get enough sleep. I stay up late at night, cause I'm Night Guy. Night Guy wants to stay up late. "What about getting up after five hours sleep?" "Oh, that's Morning Guy's problem. That's not my problem, I'm Night Guy. I stay up as late as I want." So you get up in the morning, you're exhausted, groggy. Oh, I hate that Night Guy! See, Night Guy always screws Morning Guy. There's nothing Morning Guy can do. The only Morning Guy can do is try and oversleep often enough so that Day Guy looses his job and Night Guy has no money to go out anymore.

Quote from Kramer

Dwayne: Who said anything about a discount?
Kramer: Ooh, how quickly we forget. You owe me buddy.
Dwayne: For what?
Kramer: [pulls out a candy bar] Remember this?
Dwayne: What are you doing?
Kramer: Six months ago you were eating four of those for breakfast and chasing it with a ring ding. And two butter fingers on the train. Sounds familiar?
Dwayne: Put that away!
Kramer: Remember that night I found you at Dinky Donuts? You were all hopped up on cinnamon swirls! They wouldn't serve you anymore! You wouldn't even have any teeth if it wasn't for me taking you over to Joe's fruit stand and stuff a cantaloupe down your throat! So much for gratitude. Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Dwayne: All right, all right, all right! I'll give him the discount, just put that thing away! But this squares us.