Kramer: Hi, I'm H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy American industrialist, uh, looking to open a silver mine in the mountains of Peru. And uh, before I invest millions in a lucrative mine, I, I'd like to go a little native. Uh. Get the feel of their condiments, of their unmentionables. You know, the real uh, gritty-gritty. [eats chips]
Gladys: Well, let me show you what we have.
Kramer: Well, uh, I think I can just browse around on my own. [eats chips] Hmm, Machu Pichu. Are these free?
Gladys: Yeah.
Kramer: Hmm-mmm.
[Kramer walks over to a rack, indiscriminately takes a selection of clothes, and then starts choking on the chips on his way to the changing room]
Gladys: Some of those are women's clothes.
Kramer: Oh, not a problem.
[Kramer closes the curtain. The sound of a pricing gun can be heard. Kramer drops it and then steps on it.]

Mrs. Nyhart: Would you like to see the rest of the apartment, Mister, um--
Jerry: Uh... Varnsen. Kel Varnsen. Actually, this room intrigues me. Why is it called the TV room?
Mrs. Nyhart: Well, it's--
Jerry: [at TV] Balk?! How was that a balk?! You have any snacks?
Mrs. Nyhart: Mr. Varnsen, if you like the apartment, I should tell you I've also had some interest from a wealthy industrialist.
Jerry: Not Pennypacker.
Mrs. Nyhart: You know him?
Jerry: I wish I didn't. Brace yourself, madam, for an all-out bidding war. But this time, advantage Varnsen!

George: [on the phone] This is George Costanza, I'm calling for my test results. Negative? Oh, my God. Why?! Why?! Why?! What? What? Negative is good? [cheers up] Oh, yes of course! How stupid of me. Thank you. Thank you very much. [hangs up]

[stand-up:]
Jerry: To me, the whole concept of fear of success is proof that we are definitely scraping the bottom of the fear barrel. Are we gonna have to have AA-type meetings for these people? They'll go: "Hi, my name is Bill, and the one thing I'm worried about is having a stereo and a cream-colored couch." According to most studies, people's number-one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two! Now, this means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

George: When I asked him if it was cancer, he didn't give me a "get outta here". That's what I wanted to hear: "Cancer? Get outta here!"
Jerry: Well, maybe he doesn't have a "get outta here" kind of personality.
George: How could you be a doctor and not say "get outta here"? It should be part of the training at medical school: "Cancer? Get outta here! Go home! What are you crazy? It's a little test. It's nothing. You're a real nut. You know that?" I told you that God would never let me be successful. I never should've written that pilot. Now the show will be a big hit, we'll make millions of dollars, and I'll be dead. Dead Jerry. Because of this.
Jerry: Can't you at least die with a little dignity?
George: No, I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?