Jerry Quote #506
Quote from Jerry in The Pitch/The Ticket
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Many states in the country now have traffic school when you have an infraction. I went to traffic school. I didn't mind it. I kind of felt bad for the traffic school instructor. This guy goes to traffic school every day, no matter how he drives. What is his incentive to not speed? He's going to traffic school anyway. Why not get a race car, do 200 miles an hour down the street? Cop stops you, "Where are you going?" "Traffic school." "Go ahead. And you better hurry, you really need it." Maybe the punishment should be, instead of traffic school or traffic court, just traffic. They sentence you to 100 hours of traffic. They assign, like, five people to drive all around you at five miles an hour wherever you go. You're on your way to Vegas, there isn't a car in sight. "Come on, move it."
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Pitch/The Ticket’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
Male Voice: [on the phone] Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long distance service.
Jerry: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later.
Male Voice: Uh, I'm sorry we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.
Male Voice: No.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel. [hangs up]
Quote from George
George: They wanna have another meeting? They wanna buy it? They wanna buy it? Oh, I tell you, we're gonna be rich! What are we gonna get for this? Fifty, sixty thousand?
Jerry: I don't know about sixty.
George: Oh, it's gotta be fifty. [giddy laugh] You know how much Ted Danson makes, huh?
Jerry: Ted Danson. Now, how are you comparing us to Ted Danson?
George: I didn't say we're Ted Danson.
Jerry: Yes, you did. You said we're Ted Danson!
George: Oh!
Jerry: You know, I think he wears a piece.
George: Yeah, don't worry. He can afford it.
Quote from George
George: See, this should be a show. This is the show.
Jerry: What?
George: This. Just talking.
Jerry: [dismissive] Yeah, right.
George: I'm really serious. I think that's a good idea.
Jerry: Just talking? Well what's the show about?
George: It's about nothing.
Jerry: No story?
George: No, forget the story.
Jerry: You've got to have a story.
George: Who says you gotta have a story? Remember when we were waiting for, for that table in that Chinese restaurant that time? That could be a TV show.