[stand-up:]
Jerry: The thing about L.A. to me, that kind of threw me, was when they have these smog alerts out there and they actually recommend that people stay indoors during the smog alert. Now, maybe I'm way off... But don't you think, wouldn't you assume, that the air in the house pretty much comes from the air in the city where the house is? I mean what do they think, that we live in a jar with couple of holes punched in the top? What the hell is going on out there? It's very strange. I mean, you realize that it's now possible for parents to say to their children, "All right kids, I want you in the house and get some fresh air! Summer vacation, everybody indoors."

[stand-up:]
Jerry: There are many different job in the police. It seems to me, that the chalk outline guy is one of the better jobs that you can get. You know, it's not too dangerous, the criminals are long gone. That seems like a good one. I don't know who they are, I guess they're people who wanted to be a sketch artists, but they couldn't draw too well. "Listen, Johnson, forget the sketches. Do you think if we left a dead body right there on the sidewalk, you could manage to trace around it? Could you do that?" I don't even know how that helps them to solve the crime? You know, they look at the thing on the ground. "Ah, his arm was like that when he hit the pavement. That means the killer must've been Jim."

George: Do you think she gets to take any of those little bars of soap home?
Jerry: No, I don't.
George: You would think that at the end of the week when they hand out the checks, throw in a few soaps.
Jerry: Yeah, maybe they should throw in a couple of lamps too.
George: I'll tell you something, if I owned a company, my employees would love me. They'd have huge pictures of me up on the walls and in their home, like Lenin.
Jerry: How much did you wound up tipping her?
George: Oh, my God, I forgot!
Jerry: That's why communism didn't work.