Jerry Quote #312
Quote from Jerry in The Stranded
[stand-up:]
Jerry: So I was in the drug store the other day, trying to get a cold medication. You ever try and pick one of these out? It's not easy. It's a wall. It's an entire wall of cold medication, you stand there, you're going, "All right, all right, all right, okay, what the hell am I...? This is quick-acting, but this is long-lasting. When do I need to feel good, now or later?" It's a tough question. And they always show you the commercials on TV where they show you what's wrong with the guy, you know? And they always show you, like, all the problems that he's having. First of all, the always show you the human body, which is usually this guy. No face, mouth open... This is how drug companies see the public. And he's always in, like, a certain pain. It's like red wavy lines are going through him or he's glowing. Parts of him are on fire sometimes. Lightning is attacking him. I never had a doctor say to me, "Are you having any pain?" "Yes, I am." "Are you having any lightning with the pain?"
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Stranded’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: There's two types of favors, the big favor and the small favor. You can measure the size of the favor by the pause that a person takes after they ask you to "do me a favor." Small favor, small pause. "Can you do me a favor, hand me that pencil?" No pause at all. Big favors are, "Could you do me a favor..."
Quote from George
George: Have you ever dated a woman that worked in your office?
Jerry: I've never had a job.
George: You know the anxiety you feel on a date? That's what I have every day now. My worst nightmare's come true, every day is a date.
Jerry: That's one of Dante's nine stages of hell, isn't it?
George: Ava was one of the reasons I used to like going to work, she was a friend. Now we sleep together and suddenly, I don't know how to talk to her. Every time I go to the bathroom, I pass her desk. I have to plan little patter. I spend half my day writing. Then afterwards, I sit in my office and analyze how it went. If it was a good conversation, I don't go to the bathroom for the rest of the day. I see her laughing and talking with other people, they're all so loose and relaxed, I think, "That used to be me. I want to go back there again."
Jerry: What are you gonna do?
George: I have no choice, I'm quitting.