Jerry Quote #310
Quote from Jerry in The Nose Job
Jerry: [inner monologue] Uh oh. My organs are playing chess again.
["Brain Jerry" and "Penis Jerry" sit around his table]
Jerry's Brain: Well I'm getting a little tired of this. What do you say we play one for all the marbles?
Jerry's Penis: Oh Brain, what are you doing? You cannot beat me. Do you have any idea who you're dealing with? Forget about it!
Jerry's Brain: I can't take her anymore. I hate reading her stupid little acting scenes.
Jerry's Penis: Oh, so what? So you read from a little play. You can't put up with that for an hour to make me happy? You're so selfish. Give me one hour, then I will take over, you will not have to think for the rest of the night.
Jerry's Brain: What about tomorrow morning? Do you have any idea what that's like for me? Do you care? No, you don't care. So long as you get to do whatever it is you do. You disgust me.
Jerry's Penis: Oh, go read a book.
Jerry's Brain: Enough chatter. Let's play.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Nose Job’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Can you give me an explanation as to why the pharmacist has to be two-and-a-half feet up above everybody else? What the hell is he doing, he can't be down there on the floor with you and me? Brain surgeons, airline pilots, nuclear physicists, we're all on the same level. Oh no, he's gotta be two-and-a-half
feet up. "Look out, everybody, I'm working with pills. Spread out, give me some room." The only hard part of his whole job that I could see is typing everything onto that little tiny label. He has to try and get all the words on there, keep the paper in the... It's a little piece of paper, in the roller of the typewriter. Oh no, he's gotta be two-and-a-half feet up. "Yeah, I'd like to get this prescription filled." "All right. You wait down there. Only I'm allowed up here."
Quote from George
Jerry: Isabel? She is the most despicable woman I have ever met in my life. I have never been so repulsed by someone mentally and so attracted to them physically at the same time. It's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game. And I'm letting him win.
George: You're not letting him win, he wins till you're forty.
Jerry: Then what?
George: He still wins but it's not a blowout.
Quote from Kramer
Landlord: Hello?
Elaine: Oh, uh, hi. I'm Wanda Pepper, I'm Albert Pepper's daughter. My father asked me to come here and pick up his jacket for him.
Landlord: Oh, hello, Miss Pepper. It's a pleasure to meet you. And you must be Professor Van Nostrand?
Kramer: Yes. Yes, I am.
Landlord: I've read your book, Professor, and I was quite intrigued by it.
Kramer: Uh, yes. Well, it's, uh, very intriguing.
Landlord: Tell me, is it your contention that Shakespeare was an imposter?
Kramer: My contention?
Landlord: Yes, your contention.
Kramer: Yes, that's my contention.
Elaine: I heard him contend that.