Jerry Quote #231
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I was audited last year. At first I thought well, IRS kinda sounds like Toys 'R Us maybe won't be so bad. Maybe they have a sense of fun about it, you know. But it's it's bad. It's an ordeal. And they don't do anything to keep your spirits up through the ordeal. I think they should take all your receipts and put them in one of those big Lucite sweepstake and just kinda crank it around there. You know, give me a feeling like you might win something. You know what I mean? Then they can pull them out one by one and go, "Oh, I'm sorry that's another illegal deduction. But we do have some lovely parting gifts for you. Jail."
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Truth’ Quotes
Quote from George
Jerry: A mental institution?
Kramer: You know what they do in there? Did you see Cuckoo's Nest? They put those electrodes in your head.
George: It's not really a mental institution. It's more like a depression clinic. She went out to Woodhaven and checked herself in. I'm- I'm sick over this.
Elaine: Who told you this?
George: Her roommate. I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: What was I supposed to do? You knew I was on my first date with Elaine. You come barging in here asking me to contribute money for a volcano relief fund for Krakatoa.
Kramer: It was supposed to erupt.
Jerry: I find the whole thing very embarrassing.
Kramer: Well, you know what my feelings are about this. I don't even pay taxes.
Jerry: Yeah, that's easy when you have no income.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: if this audit had happened to me and I didn't have this woman to help me, I would have killed this man. I would have strangled the life out of him with my bare hands.
Elaine: I don't blame you.
Jerry: Have you ever been through an audit?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: It's hell. It's the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination. I would have killed this man. Torn him limb from limb, ripped the flesh right off his bones...