Jerry: A mental institution?
Kramer: You know what they do in there? Did you see Cuckoo's Nest? They put those electrodes in your head.
George: It's not really a mental institution. It's more like a depression clinic. She went out to Woodhaven and checked herself in. I'm- I'm sick over this.
Elaine: Who told you this?
George: Her roommate. I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.

Jerry: What was I supposed to do? You knew I was on my first date with Elaine. You come barging in here asking me to contribute money for a volcano relief fund for Krakatoa.
Kramer: It was supposed to erupt.
Jerry: I find the whole thing very embarrassing.
Kramer: Well, you know what my feelings are about this. I don't even pay taxes.
Jerry: Yeah, that's easy when you have no income.

Jerry: if this audit had happened to me and I didn't have this woman to help me, I would have killed this man. I would have strangled the life out of him with my bare hands.
Elaine: I don't blame you.
Jerry: Have you ever been through an audit?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: It's hell. It's the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination. I would have killed this man. Torn him limb from limb, ripped the flesh right off his bones...