[stand-up:]
Jerry: I'm not a foodie. I don't... "Oh, this is too rare. Oh, it's too salty." Just eat it and shut up. I'll eat anywhere, whatever they're having. I have eaten rotten rolls off of room service trays in hotel hallways. I have. It's not a joke. This is my life. I don't know, somebody left it. Why would someone poison a roll, and leave it in a hallway for some comic coming down at two o' clock in the morning? Why would they do that? Sometimes you go to a nice restaurant, they put the check in a little book. What is this? The story of the bill? "Once upon a time, there were some very hungry people..." What is this? A little gold tassle hanging down? Am I graduating from the restaurant? What is this about?

Jerry: Anywhere in the city?
George: Anywhere in the city, I'll tell you the best public toilet.
Jerry: Okay. Fifty-fourth and Sixth?
George: Sperry-Rand Building. 14th floor, Morgan Apparel. Mention my name. She'll give you the key.
Jerry: All right. Sixty-fifth and Tenth.
George: [scoffs] Are you kidding? Lincoln Center. Alice Tully Hall, the Met. Magnificent facilities.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Flying doesn't make me nervous. Driving to the airport can make you very nervous because when you're flying, when you're getting on the plane, if you miss that plane, there's no alternative. On the ground, you have options. You have buses, you have taxis, you have trains. But, when you're taking a flight, if you miss it, that's it. No airline goes, "Well, you missed the flight, we do have a cannon leaving in about ten minutes. Would you be interested in that? It's not a direct cannon, you have to change cannons after you land." "I'm sorry, where you goin'? Chicago? [turns the cannon] Oh, Dallas? All right, wait a second... [turns the cannon] Dallas. That's about Dallas. Texas, anyway. You should hit Texas. Are you ready? Make sure you get out of the net immediately, because we shoot the luggage in right after you."