Jerry Quote #1259
Quote from Jerry in The Maestro
Elaine: It's been a rough couple of weeks. You know, I really needed to get away.
Maestro: I told you. It's paradise.
Elaine: You're right, Maestro.
[The sound of a car horn is heard in the background. A cab driver is yelling in Italian. Elaine and the Maestro go to other window to see what's going on. A cab is parked out front.]
Kramer: Come on, Jerry, this guy is crazy. Get out.
Jerry: You didn't have to push me.
Kramer: I didn't push you. How much did you pay that guy?
Jerry: 75,000 lira.
Kramer: 75,000 lira? Are you out of your mind?
Jerry: Kramer, you don't under the conversion rate.
Kramer: Oh, conversion rate, oh.
Jerry: You know, I don't even know why I brought you.
Kramer: Well, nobody put a gun to your head.
Jerry: [looks at the house] Not bad!
Kramer: Yeah!
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Maestro’ Quotes
Quote from Jackie Chiles
Kramer: Well, you know, they don't allow outside drinks in the movie theater. So I had to put it in my shirt and sneak it in.
Jackie Chiles: Yeah, see, they like to sell their own coffee.
Kramer: Yeah, now is that going to be a problem?
Jackie Chiles: Yeah, that's going to be a problem. It's gonna be a problem for them. This a clear violation of your rights as a consumer. It's an infringement on your constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.
Kramer: It's definitely preposterous.
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I've never been any place in my life where there was absolutely no coffee. And people are constantly trying to give you coffee. "Who's having coffee? Can I get you some coffee?" Coffee's one of the only things you can have that people continue to try and give it to you. Waitresses are constantly coming over, "Can I warn it up for you? Can I top it off?" It's like, you could lift up a manhole cover: "We just made a fresh pot, would you like some?" This liquid has taken over humanity. There are coffee machines we have to call "mister". "Coffee anyone?" "Hey, that's Mr. Coffee to you."
Quote from Jackie Chiles
Jackie Chiles: You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on. Why'd you put the balm on? You haven't even been to see the doctor. If you're gonna put a balm on, let a doctor put a balm on.
Kramer: I guess I screwed up, Jackie?
Jackie Chiles: You're damn right you screwed up. Where the hell did you get that damn balm from anyway?
Kramer: The Maestro.
Jackie Chiles: The who? What are you talking about, Maestro?
Kramer: My friend. He's a conductor.
Jackie Chiles: Oh, oh. So a Maestro tells you to put a balm on and you do it?
Kramer: Well my stomach was burning.
Jackie Chiles: I tell you what this is. This is a public humiliation.
Kramer: Well, I didn't know the balm was gonna work.
Jackie Chiles: Do you know what a balm is? Have you ever seen a balm? Didn't you read the instructions?
Kramer: Well I ...
Jackie Chiles: [interrupts] No one can tell what a balm's gonna do. They're unpredictable.