Kramer Quote #605

Quote from Kramer in The Face Painter

Kramer: You know I'm supposed to go on this special tour today with George's girlfriend?
Jerry: At the zoo?
Kramer: Yeah, but before I met up with her, I stopped to look at the monkeys, when all of a sudden I am hit in the face with a banana peel. I turn and look and there is this monkey really laughing it up. Then someone tells me that he did it. Well, I pick up the banana peel and I wait for that monkey to turn around. And then I... let him have it.
Jerry: Kramer, you threw a banana peel at a monkey?
Kramer: Well, he started it!
Jerry: It's a monkey, Kramer!
Kramer: Well, he pushed my buttons, I couldn't help it, Jerry.
Jerry: Well, I still think it's wrong.
Kramer: All right, all right, fine. You take the monkey's side, all right, go ahead.
Jerry: I'm not taking anyone's side.
Kramer: Cause I know what happened, Jerry.

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 ‘The Face Painter’ Quotes

Quote from Kramer

George: Hey, by the way, if anybody wants an inside tour of the zoo, Siena works there as a trainer.
Kramer: So she works at the zoo?
George: Yeah, yeah.
Kramer: Yeah, like Dian Fossey. You know, she's the only person that's ever been accepted into gorilla society. And you know, once those gorillas accept you, you got it made in the shade.

Quote from Kramer

Mr. Pless: Well, Mr. Kramer, to get right to it, we're having a bit of a problem with Barry.
Kramer: Barry?
Mr. Pless: The chimpanzee.
Kramer: Oh. Well, uh, what's the problem?
Mr. Pless: Well, he's not functioning the way he normally does. He seems depressed. He's lost his appetite. He's even curtailed his autoerotic activities. And we think this is directly related to the altercation he had with you the other day.
Kramer: So, so what do you want me to do?
Mr. Pless: Well, frankly we'd like you to apologize.
Kramer: Yeah, well he started it.
Mr. Pless: Mr. Kramer, he is an innocent primate.
Kramer: So am I! I mean, what about my feelings? Don't my feelings count for anything? Oh, only the poor monkey's important. Everything has to be done for the monkey!

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Look, what do you want me to do?
Kramer: I want you to get on this phone and give him his thank you!
Jerry: No. No, I can't!
Kramer: Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't you just get in your car and move to the East Side!
Jerry: Look, we got five hours before the game. I am betting it was a funeral hello. He knows we're here, he knows the number, he knows we want to go. There's plenty of time for him to call and give us the tickets.
Kramer: You stubborn, stupid, silly man!