Kramer Quote #445
Quote from Kramer in The Chaperone
Kramer: So, what do you think? Does this work?
Jerry: Listen. Tonight, after we finish eating, you make like you got something else to do and just "recede into the night," if you know what I mean.
Kramer: No way!
Jerry: What?
Kramer: Look, if you think I'm just going to step aside and do nothing while you defile this woman, you're crazy.
Jerry: I'm not going to "defile" her!
Kramer: That's right, because I'm going to see it doesn't happen. Look, Jerry, these girls are Miss America contestants. It's every little girl's dream. And I'm not going to let you trample that dream and make a mockery of everything the pageant stands for.
Jerry: But -
Kramer: Aah! No buts! Those are my rules.
Jerry: But wait a minute...
Kramer: Now, if you want to go out and have some good, wholesome fun with a nice girl, I'd be glad to help you out. If you're looking for something more than that, you've got the wrong guy, buddy!
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Chaperone’ Quotes
Quote from Elaine
Mrs. Landis: Of course, Jackie O. was a great lady. Those are going to be some tough shoes to fill. Everyone loved her. She had such... grace.
Elaine: Yes. Grace.
Mrs. Landis: Not many people have grace.
Elaine: Well, you know, grace is a tough one. I like to think I have a little grace. Not as much as Jackie.
Mrs. Landis: You can't have "a little grace." You either have grace, or you... don't.
Elaine: Okay, fine, I have... no grace.
Mrs. Landis: And you can't acquire grace.
Elaine: Well, I have no intention of "getting" grace.
Mrs. Landis: Grace isn't something you can pick up at the market.
Elaine: All right, all right, look. I don't have grace, I don't want grace... I don't even say grace, okay?
Mrs. Landis: Thank you for coming in.
Elaine: Yeah, yeah, right.
Mrs. Landis: We'll make our choice in a few days, and we'll let you know.
Elaine: [stands up] I have no chance, do I?
Mrs. Landis: No. [they shake hands]
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I've always wondered why baseball is so associated with sex. "He's playing the field," "Ho, he scored," "Oh, he didn't get to first base." "I struck out." "Why?" "She wanted a diamond." It's always baseball. Always baseball. As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. I feel if you're on the field and you're not in the game, you should be in the worst physical condition a human being could possibly be in. They should be allowed to eat during the game. We're a little too into sports in this country. I think we gotta throttle back. You know what I mean? People come home from these games, "We won! We won!" No, they won, you watched.
Quote from Elaine
Woman: [over intercom] Justin Pitt to see you.
Elaine: Justin Pitt?
Mrs. Landis: He was a very close friend of Mrs. Onassis's.
Elaine: "Mrs. Onassis's"? That's hard to pronounce.
Mrs. Landis: Excuse me?
Elaine: Nothing.
[Mr. Pitt enters the office with a stack of papers]
Mr. Pitt: Mrs. Landis, there's something wrong with this copying machine, it's all coming out slanted. Now, I don't know if this is your department or not.
Mr. Pitt: Justin Pitt, this is Elaine Benes.
[Elaine has wrapped a scarf around her hair and put black glasses on. Mr. Pitt is taken aback by her resemblance to Jackie O.]
Mr. Pitt: Charmed.
Elaine: I was a great admirer of Mrs. Onass-sis-sis-sis...