Elaine Quote #399
Quote from Elaine in The Opposite
Jake: So, then, you know, the light was clearly green, I started walking, he skidded and he went right into my hip.
Elaine: [with a mouth full of Jujyfruit] Oh, that is so terrible. That is so terrible, Jake. I mean, how can people be so stupid? Just sickening. You want one?
Jake: No thanks.
Elaine: So when do you think you're gonna get outta here?
Jake: Where did you get those?
Elaine: At the movies.
Jake: Didn't the theater manager give you the message before you went in?
Elaine: Yeah, he did.
Jake: Then when did you get those?
Elaine: Right after that.
Jake: So you heard that I was in a car accident , and then decided to stop off for some Jujyfruit?
Elaine: Well, the counter... was right there, and...
Jake: I would think, under the circumstances, it would have sent you running out the building. Apparently, it didn't have any effect on you.
Elaine: No, no, it does.
Jake: If you got into a car accident, I can guarantee you I wouldn't stop for Jujyfruits!
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Opposite’ Quotes
Quote from George
George: It's not working, Jerry. It's just not working.
Jerry: What is it that isn't working?
George: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party.
Jerry: [to Elaine] Got a napkin over there?
George: It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat... It's all been wrong. Every one.
Waitress: Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
George: Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted with a side of potato salad and a cup of tea. [manic laugh]
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: It seems pretty hard to justify, at this point in history, the existence of men and their handkerchiefs. I mean, they open it up, blow their nose in it, and then put it back in their pockets with their other valuables. Wallet, keys, mucous, yup, I've got everything. Is it because men can't give birth that they're just proud of anything that comes out of us? We'll actually have a monogram sewn on to them. What is the source of pride here? We like to have it sticking up out of the breast pocket of our jacket, "I have a snot rag."
Quote from George
Mr. Cushman: Why don't you tell me about some of your previous work experience?
George: All righty. Uh, my last job was in publishing. I got fired for having sex in my office with the cleaning woman.
Mr. Cushman: Go on.
George: All right. Well, before that, I was in real estate. I quit because my boss wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. [chuckles] That was it.
Mr. Cushman: Do you talk to everybody like this?
George: Of course.
Mr. Cushman: Well, my niece told me you were different.
George: I am different, yeah.
Mr. Cushman: I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen.