Kramer Quote #58
Kramer: Hey, I saw DiMaggio in the donut shop again.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
Elaine: Joe DiMaggio?
Kramer: Joe DiMaggio, you know this time I went in and sat down across from him and I really watched him. I studied his every move. For example, he dunks.
Elaine: Joe DiMaggio dunks his donut?
Kramer: That's right.
Jerry: See, now I know it's not him. Joe DiMaggio could not be a dunker.
Kramer: Oh, he's a dunker.
Elaine: Why couldn't he be a dunker?
Kramer: And nothing diverts his attention. Like, I'm uh... You know, like I'm sitting in there, you know. And I start banging on the table, you know, to uh, so that he'll look up. You know, like, I'm sitting there, you know, [bangs] and ... And he wouldn't move. So then I start doing these yelping noises. Like, [high-pitched yelping noises]. No reaction because the guy is so focused, you see, he can just block out anything that's going on around him. See, that's how he played baseball. He dunks like he hits.
Elaine: So then what?
Kramer: Well, then the waitress, she comes up and she tells me to shut up or they're gonna throw me out.
Elaine: Why didn't you just call out his name?
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Note’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Every time somebody recommends a doctor, he's always the best. "Oh, is he good?" "Oh, he's the best. This guy's the best." They can't all be the best. There can't be this many bests. Someone's graduating at the bottom of these classes. Where are these doctors? Is somewhere, someone saying to their friend, "You should see my doctor, he's the worst. Oh yeah, he's the worst, he's the absolute worst there is. Whatever you've got, it'll be worse after you see him. He's just, he's a butcher. The man's a butcher." And then there's always that, "Make sure that you tell him that, you know, you know me." Why? What's the difference? He's a doctor. What is it, "Oh, you know Bob! Okay, I'll give you the real medicine. Everybody else, I'm giving Tic-Tacs."
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: What causes homophobia? What is it that makes a heterosexual man worry? I think it's because men know that deep down we have weak sales resistance. We're constantly buying shoes that hurt us, pants that don't fit right. Men think, "Obviously I can be talked into anything. What if I accidentally wander into some sort of homosexual store, thinking it's a shoe store, and the salesman goes, 'Just hold this guy's hand, walk around the store a little bit, see how you feel. No obligation, no pressure, just try it. Would you like to see him in a sandal?'"
Quote from George
George: I think it moved.
Jerry: Moved?
George: It may have moved, I don't know.
Jerry: I'm sure it didn't move.
George: It moved! It was imperceptible, but I felt it.
Jerry: Maybe it just wanted to change positions? You know... Shift to the other side.
George: No, no. It wasn't a shift, I've shifted. This was a move.
Jerry: Okay, so what if it moved?
George: That's the sign! The test! If a man makes it move.
Jerry: That's not the test. Contact is the test, if it moves as a result of contact.
George: You think it's contact? It has to be touched?
Jerry: That's what a gym teacher once told me.